Be careful what you pray for

In 2002, I had what I thought was my fourth and final child. And that pregnancy nearly killed me. I was a worn out mare, ready to be put out to pasture. I humbly knelt in prayer and told my Heavenly Father that I felt like I had multiplied and replenished the Earth to the best of my abilities and hoped that He would be okay with my being finished bearing children. The feeling washed over me that I was NOT done. And no matter how many times I prayed for a different answer, the answer remained the same. I cried and cried every day for over two weeks. Because I WAS done. The plan to have my tubes tied was already in the works. I was in a very rotten situation. One that I was already unbearably trapped in and adding additional members to the mix would exacerbate the problem. I was beside myself. Why would a loving Heavenly Father do this to me?? Fortunately over the next 4 years, I didn’t add any more children to my life, a miracle beyond miracles. And I started to enjoy my grown up children and liked being out of the baby/toddler phase of things. In 2006, it was over... I KNEW I was done. FOR SURE!!! And I didn’t want to push the issue, but was confused why I had received that answer so many years before. I saw my future now as a single mother with four children, raising them by myself, alone because WHO IN THEIR RIGHT MIND would ever want a 36 year old woman with 4 crazy children??? And I was okay with that. Fortunately for me there was this guy. Who was out of his ever lovin’ mind. Fast forward to an evening in 2007, Raleigh and I were sitting in the first booth at Famous Dave’s Restaurant in St. George and he says… out of the blue and unprovoked… “are you finished having children?” “Why are you asking this? Obviously, I am. I am divorced and not married and my baby is 5. Why are you asking this?" I said, curious to know the answer. And I leaned forward. “Because, I’d like to have a baby of my own someday. I have always wanted to have children, but it was never right before” he said. (And no one deserved that blessing more than him.) “With me?” I asked, timidly… to clarify… just in case I was reading something else into his meaning “Yeah, with you.” “Oh." I said and I sat there for 23 seconds before I blurted out the words, which were coming out faster than I could think them. “I can’t think of anything I’d rather do than have a baby with you.” I said. And I meant it too. “But,” I continued “I am very old. You have to know that. I haven’t had a baby for 5 years, I am not even sure if… that…. part of me still works. I am not sure if I can do that again at this age.” “Well,” he said “we will see what Heavenly Father has planned for us. If it’s supposed to happen, it will. But I just wondered if you would be willing to try.” To be honest, I was more than willing…. totally weird, but mostly because I now understood the answer to my prayer. A loving Heavenly Father would do this to me because what I didn't know at that time was that future baby would bring the most indescribable joy to us. She would, without even meaning to, unite a blended family, bring an already close couple even that much closer, enrich our lives and give her dad the opportunity to feel the unconditional love that only a parent can feel for a child. So, imagine my surprise, when ONE WEEK after this little miracle had joined our family and the three of us were sitting at a booth in Zuppa’s in American Fork and the Love of my Life says to me… “Are you finished having children?” Well…… obviously, I wasn’t. But the moral of the story is this….. we are NOT in charge of our lives. We cannot see the big picture. We have NO idea what is in store for us or what has been planned out for us. I love these little girls with all of my heart. What would my life have been without them in it? I would have been so completely incomplete. And who would have ever thought that an answer to a prayer that at one time was impossible to bear would turn into the most beautiful answer a girl could receive?