January 2019

 Our 2019 New Year started a little like the old year ended....

I was dizzy.

And SO over stressed with work issues.
January is traditionally such a lame and super long month.
I’m always a little depressed in January. 

Every year, Raleigh gets to take the week in between Christmas and New Years

off.  And so while I am having a daily holiday season work meltdown, he is all rested up and 

of sound mind and he helps me get perspective.  He was my rock as usual.  

He went with me like 15 times to the Village to do all of the ridiculous things I needed to do.

Most of my staff was out of town and so the burden fell on me to do the job of several people.

I hired my cute parents to be inspectors for me.

They go as a team and they are so good.

They take their job very seriously and they are very responsible.

It's nice to know that they are their to help me.

On my first day back to work after New Years Day...

This happened.

I said like 5 prayers of thanksgiving because this occurred on a quiet residential street

while I was literally going 3 miles an hour and NOT on the 75 mile an hour freeway that I had JUST been on.  

I also was grateful that my Knight in Shining Armor came running to my rescue 

and had me spared up and on my way in record time.  

 He even laid in the street and got his white shoes dirty.

That is love

We always celebrate the New Year by going to Sakura with the fam.

It is one of my most favorite traditions.

I LOVE Kori's face in this picture.

One of my most favorite traditions. 

 While we were celebrating...

Uncle Jamie and Aunt Amy dropped off this amazing gift.

I love it so much.

We will add it to our ancestor wall.

It started a really nice conversation with our kids about their Great Grandfathers

who devoted their lives to the church and helped build 3 temples 

(including St. George).

We called Jamie and Amy to thank them for the lovely gesture

and we had a very wonderful and lengthy conversation with them.

We always come away from conversations with them feeling so 

loved and good about ourselves.  We feel very blessed to have them in our lives.

Then... we put a down payment on a lot.

Lot #107 is ours.

And we are so excited to start the building process.

It's exciting and scary and fun and stressful.

But, we can't wait to get started.

In order to stay within our very strict timeline, we can't start building until

February 15th at the earliest.  

It's so hard to wait.

The area where we are moving is up and coming. 

There are like 4,000 homes being built out there right now.

It's the hot place to be. 

We have been planning for over a year.  And it is so fun to watch it come together. 

I am pretty certain the new temple is going to be very close to us.

We think we are going to have to have a retaining wall.

It'll be super cute, but that is just one more expense. 

Which sucks. 

Here's a story:
8 months ago, while we were at a restaurant eating dinner, Raleigh says
"I need to talk to you about something that you are not going to be happy about."
I hate conversations that start out this way.... who doesn't?   And I braced myself for nothing good.

He says "Fourth quarter has the steepest budget we have ever had in the history of our company,  I personally have go generate over 4 million dollars to make our goal.  If we meet or exceed our goal the prize is a cruise to Cabo for a week in February."

"Oh,"  I said, relieved that this was the news I was going to be unhappy about.  "This is easy...

Have a super fun time on your cruise, but as I am sure you already know....  I will NOT be joining you."  And even though I was relieved, I was at the same time getting a little fired up because I just knew that this wasn't the last time I was going to hear about this.  I just knew that there would come a time in 6-7 months that I would be having this same conversation again...  with my husband claiming that he didn't hear me the first time OR that he didn't recall me expressing my opinion on this matter OR that he didn't really believe me.  OR something HUSBUND-RY like that.

"Yeah, that is exactly what I thought you'd say"  he said.  "don't get too upset right now, there is really no way we are going to reach our goal, it's nearly impossible."

Well good.  Maybe don't try very hard.  To which he replied, I am NOT going to be the reason the entire team doesn't get to go on a trip just so you know.

Well fast forward to December...  actually Christmas Day...  and Brent and Kami start talking about how the team reached their goal and the cruise was February 24th...  blah blah blah and I look over at Raleigh, who's head was just hanging down.

And I say "you reached goal?  When were you going to tell me?"

And he goes "when do you think would have been a good time?  I was probably going to tell you after I kidnapped you and threw you in the truck and we were on our way to the boat." Like kind of implying that he was still thinking that I was going to be his traveling companion.

And I was INSTANTLY HOT.  Like SO mad.  I could not believe it.  I thought that we were on the same page from the very beginning and it was looking like one of us was on the correct page and one of us was in total denial.

Here's the thing:

When Raleigh and I were dating, he told me he had been on a couple of cruises.  Even though the only thing he liked about them was the food and disembarking.  And I told him that if he continued dating me, it was a sure bet that he would never go on another one...with me.  In fact, I think the words I used were....  You will NEVER see my ass on a cruise, ever in my entire lifetime, so I hope that isn't an issue for you.   And he lied, and said that it wasn't, and YET here we were.

Here are my reasons:

1.  I have vertigo.  I have a chronic case of vertigo.  On dry freaking land, I am dizzy 3 out of 7 days a week.  I have no business going anywhere near a boat.  They say, you don't feel the motion of the boat...  well, I feel the motion of the boat when I am 600 miles away from it, so I cannot imagine how I would feel being in constant motion for a week.

2.  Being trapped.  I am NOT a fan of being trapped anywhere.  The thought of literally being a prisoner on a boat causes me overwhelming anxiety in and of itself...  But to be confined to a room the size of a closet, that is in constant motion, and NOT being able to get off or change my mind or go home at my leisure is like living in hell.

3.  No contact.  I know that there are mother's out there who are able to be separated from their children and not be bothered by that, but I am not one of them.  I can be separated from them, but to not have any contact with them or not to be able to be reached by them is NOT EVER an option for me.  There are too many of them,  with too many possibilities of things happening.

4.  MEXICO....  are you joking?  I have no desire, nor have I ever had any desire, nor will I ever have any desire to go to Mexico.  I don't give a rip that it has beautiful beaches.  There are just some places that I don't need to be and Mexico is one of them.  There's no guarantee we will even be able to get back into the US once we've crossed over the line.  Who knows what hi-jinx our President will pull while we are abroad. 

5.  A SEVEN day vacation.  I have an extremely demanding job.  It's a big deal when I am not there for one day.  But a WEEK?  Yeah, that's not happening.  Unless, I want to come home and not have a job.  And since we kind of rely on my income a little bit, I think it's wise for me to try and stay employed.   Most of the wives of the other employees are stay at home moms.  Super easy for them to go away for a week.  Me....  yeah no.  Did anyone consider that some of us work?

6.  It will cost us about $1000 to go on this "FREE TRIP" by the time you consider the cost to travel to California, stay one night in a hotel, park our truck for a week, pay for childcare, my lost wages for a week, souvenirs,  all the drugs I am going to have to take just so I can be upright?  We are $1000 down.  A $1000 of our down payment... GONE.  And for what?  A week of vomiting.

7.  I would literally have to be drugged the entire time.  I would either be drowsy or straight passed out.  Or I would be euphorically loopy and for lack of a better word....  HIGH the entire time.  Also, I would probably have to be on some Xanax as well.

8.  Cruises are white trash vacations.  If you don't believe me, google how many times a year a cruise ship gets infested with norovirus or some other horrifying illness which rips through the passengers like a tornado infecting literally everyone breathing the re-circulated air they are pumping through the vents and straight into your closet-sized room.  No one is safe.  One person boards that vessel with a germ and the whole group is infected by the third day.  And suddenly your mode of transportation has gone from a luxury liner to a slow rolling infirmary of which there is no escape.  Refer back to #2.  Not to mention, there isn't enough medical personnel to even begin to help the 1000s of ill people and in fact the one doctor and two nurses are all barfing too, so they are literally NO HELP.  (I'm sweating as I type this). 

9.  It's February....  not really a balmy time of year.  Wanna go lay by the pool?  Bring your coat and a blanket.  Shoot!  Did we remember to pack our rain panchos? 

I made myself crystal clear from the very beginning where I stood in regards to this little vacation...  I mean I did not beat around the bush,  I left no room for misinterpretation,  I wasn't wishy washy in the slightest....  I wasn't coy or uncertain.  I was passionate and firm in my convictions.  And I know for a fact that I didn't give the slightest hint of a possibility of ever wavering on my decision to attend this adventure.... So that is why I am positively baffled that my otherwise intelligent husband signed ME up to be his travel companion.  I am stunned that my name is among those on the passenger list.

It is like he thought I was kidding. 
It is like he thought that I was just trying to be funny.
It is like he thought I was going to change my mind when the time came.

And then when I didn't....  he was like....
Wait? What?
Are you serious?

Hell yeah, I'm serious.
I was freaking serious 8 months ago in the dining room of Apollo Burger wherein I passionately refused to be a part of this.

"I can't get out of this."  He said.
My company has forked out the money for us to go.
We can't back out now.

Oh. Yes. We. Can.
I'll tell you how we get out of this.
We don't show up, that's how we get out of this.
YOUR company cannot force me to go.
YOUR company will not cause me to be in jeopardy with MY company.

OH. MY. HELL!!!

Nevertheless, after several discussions he is taking Ryker as his cruising companion.

And since then, I have suffered every known emotion.
Guilt
Sadness
Anger
Frustration
Heartbreak
Relief

I think the bottom line is we are both heartbroken that the other person, chose themselves and not the other.  He chose to be in the good graces of his work friends instead of opting not to go.

I chose to stay home and not help him celebrate his hard work at not only generating 4 million, but 5.
And before too many people feel sorry for him that he married a spaz keep in mind.... I told him 12 years ago that I don't cruise.  I told him 8 months ago that I don't cruise.  And I should have the right to speak up and speak my mind and be honest with how I feel.  Besides,  I make him blissfully happy in every other area of our lives... but traveling never has been nor will it ever be my strong suit.  I am working on it.  But this is just asking too much of me.

I made a pros and cons list because I do that.
The pros list to not going is as long as my arm
The ONLY con is that I will be away from him for 10 days.   And that makes me so sad.  That is the longest we have ever been apart.  That will be SO hard for me.

But I have to face the consequence of my decision.
And the truth is...  for me.... I made the right choice.
I would have been a complete wreck for 10 days.  And I for sure would have been absolutely NO FUN. 

Back to more pleasant topics...
We are back into our Saturday new home project routine.
This week we decided to make Farmhouse window shutters for the downstairs family room.
Raleigh designed them and I helped him make them by sanding.  That was the easy part.
They are darling.  I love them.
When they are painted, they are going to knock my socks off.
They weigh 80 pounds each.
And we will put them on a 140" rod and they will serve two purposes.
1.  Window treatments and
2.  Decor

January is always the worst month.  I thought this year would be different because we have BIG stuff going on and I thought I would be distracted and not notice that it was depressing January.  But, even with all that we have going on, it felt like the month was actually 6 months.  It was so long.   We didn't go out much.  We had no fun plans.  Blah.  We were all sick over and over.  Each of the little kids had croup TWICE.  They all have horrible barky coughs.  I had it for 2 days and Raleigh had it for a week.

The Patriots are going to the Superbowl again.  Which is like a throat punch.  I am so over it,  I am NOT making a "I hate Tom Brady" shirt this year because he doesn't deserve my time.  The Sunday where the Saints were robbed of their win and The Chiefs lost to the "unmentionables" was the WORST day of the month.  I was SO worked up I had to go to the store and buy Bayer Aspirin because I was certain I was having a heart attack.   When it comes to overtime in Professional Football the quarterbacks should just go over to the side lines and flip a coin and who ever wins the coin toss is the winner.  That is what it comes down to.  It's. So. Jacked. Up.

The January wins were:  Two hour church is like the greatest thing that has ever happened in the whole world.  We go at 9:00 too.  It's freaking awesome.

We set some pretty great goals that I am pretty excited about.  I like setting goals and it's even better working towards accomplishing them.   It's fun.  It's brings us closer as a couple and a family.

We got a new bishop.

I am mostly just excited that we are headed into February and all of that excitement.  It's going to be so fun.  Minus the 10 day cruise, of course.