A Soccer Mom? Yeah Right.

Allie

I don't know where she came from. I have joked on several occasions (and on some of them I really meant it) that I inadvertently picked up the wrong baby at the hospital when she was born. This "jock chick" of mine. She is something else. She doesn't try to walk like that, she just does. She doesn't practice for hours and hours to throw a basketball like that, she just can. She didn't mean to be on a soccer team with girls twice her height and 2 years older, she just was recruited. And this inborn NEED for her to win... to succeed... to be the best, well it is as foreign to me as Space. I don't get it, I never will. I am always sad when my team loses for sure, but I quickly get over it because I am happy the other team got to win. Afterall, they worked hard too. They tried their best too. And we can't win all of the time right???

So I am saying to her as I am doing her hair before her first game. "Now, Allie. All I want you to do is try your best. It doesn't matter if you win or lose as long as you had fun." Blah blah blah

Well, they lost. Not badly though and to be honest it was really because of some bad calls and the other team was just plain dirty. But here comes Allie off the field... kicking the air, throwing her Gatorade, calling that "Number 12 girl" stupid and yelling how she had no skills so she just pushed people instead of playing. She participated in the "cheer for the other team" huddle that they do, but did so with her arms crossed and a scowl and then she stared that "Number 12" down from clear across the park like she was going to find out where she lived and do her some damage later. When we got to the car, she threw her bag in the trunk violently, kicked Raleigh's tire and didn't even protest that she had to sit in the middle again.About half way home... after complete silence... she says "Well, I guess it doesn't matter if we lost, as long as we had fun." And I am thinking... that's right... I am a good mom... I am rubbing off on her... Yeah, for me... I will make a functional member of society out of this girl afterall. But before I could get a word out to tell her I was proud of her change in attitude...

Raleigh says...

"Well, you know Allie... that is really what non winners say... and you are not a non winner. You should always want to win... you should always be mad when you lose... losing sucks.... Competition is the will and the need to succeed. It is part of us as athletes. It should always be our goal."

And then they start talking strategy and how she has got to be more aggressive and go get the ball no matter what... even if she has to throw a few elbows herself...

WHY??? Why can't we all just play nicely? Why can't some of us win sometimes and the rest of us win other times? Why are we throwing things and yelling and spitting? And why is winning the end all--be all? Let's just be good losers and stop off at Cold Stone on the way home and have a nice ice cream in a chocolate dipped waffle cone.

Competition is confrontational and stressful and when your children are doing it, it can be downright embarrassing. I just don't get it. It's not in me. Maybe that's why I have chosen as my talents to play the piano and sing 4-part harmony in acoustically perfect rooms. There's no pushing in those things, no winners or losers, everyone just has happy, good feelings. And if you are good at what you do.... you can even give people the chills. But this need to win... to succeed... at all costs... is something I will need to just appreciate from afar. Or from the car... with a towel over my head. Geez.