Some Girls Should Never Leave Their Homes

Disclaimer:

I am blaming this entire weekend on hormones. Wild and crazy hormones run amuck. Seriously impairing my judgment. Making me unable to form a sane thought or make a decent decision. This was NOT me. I am usually more on the ball than this... I am usually more in control than this. So, read on.... if you will... but know that I take NO responsibility for any occurrences. As they were simply a series of unfortunate, cosmic events, happening all in a row, to test my ability to survive... and I did and so I don't care what my mom and my sisters say about me... I am a winner. Here is what happened to me during our two day girls weekend. I will number the mistakes that I made...

Friday

Met up with the girls at Rumbi's for lunch. I had (technically) two babies in tow. One of them I had no choice to bring along, she goes with me everywhere, but she makes me tired and out of breath and fat and sadly not cute. But whatever. The other one, I could have left at home, but I

1. Brought her. Thinking that I could hang out with less stress if I had her with me and didn't have to worry about her. She really is the world's best baby... anyone will tell you that. But.... bringing your baby to "girls weekend" defeats the purpose of getting away from it all.

We then ventured on to the mall. And I mysteriously found $80.00 in my purse (I am sure placed there by my husband) but I

2. Didn't spend a dime of it. I couldn't. I am too fat. What's the purpose? I take that back, I bought the new baby a few probably unnecessary things and added a few pounds to the mid section with some See's Candy.

Then Kori and I jumped in my car and Kam and Mom took their car into Lehi to visit a store we'd been wanting to visit. There was an accident on the freeway and so I

3. Took the backroads instead. Thinking I was so smart and tricky. Well I'm not. We sat in the parking lot otherwise known as "State Street" for over TWO hours, while Mom and Kam shopped away. Poor Kori (the poor innocent victim of mistake number 3) I will never be able to apologize enough. We pulled up to said store just in time to see the lady put the "closed" sign up in the window. And Mom and Kami showed us all of their purchases.

Meanwhile I received a call from my son, who informed me that he was at home DYING with the stomach flu and needed some liquid as he was wrenching his guts out and his sisters wouldn't come within 50 feet of him and so

4. I went home. To take my favorite son some gatorade and give him a pat on his sick head. And mom and the girls went up to Park City. And giggled and played games and talked all night long. (At least that is how I had it pictured).

Saturday

I woke up at 6:00 am and

5. Went to work. Only for 2 hours, but it was in fact, a huge mistake.

Then I raced home and

6. Packed up the baby again. And headed up Provo Canyon to Swiss Days.

I had never been before. I was excited. I still had $70.00 dollars burning a hole in my pocket and all was going so smoothly. The canyon was beautiful. Sissy was sleeping. And then I started seeing the signs for the Swiss Days "park and ride." Having never been to Swiss Days, I

7. Pulled into the parking lot. Thinking I was supposed to do it this way. There were 400,000 cars in the parking lot if you can call it a parking lot. There were 6 thousand million holes and I hit every single one of them with Raleigh's car (not designed for off roading) and when I finally got to my parking space (at least a mile from the shuttle) gathered up my baby and all her paraphernalia and stepped on a stick that went through my shoe and made my foot bleed, I had no choice but to start crying. And I called my mom and said

8. I KNOW that Swiss Days is NOT worth what I am currently going through right now. I will catch up with you girls later, but for now I am going to get back in my car and go somewhere flatter and smoother and easier for someone in my condition.

Mom... bless her heart said to me "I can tell you are not emotionally equipped to handle this day, so okay... we will miss you though." Well, I sat in my car for a second and then decided I wasn't going to let the park and ride ruin my day.... So I drove into town and paid $5.00 for a parking place 1/2 block from the festivities. BEST DAMN $5.00 EVER spent, by the way.

Then I met the girls at Swiss Days.

Mom, Kori and Kami, little ole me and 7 million other people tried to shop in the booths and eat the food and stay cool, but it wasn't meant to be. We tried to have a good time, we really did. But for crying out loud.... people.... could some of you have stayed home? Why was the entire state of Utah in MIDWAY at the same time? SOOOOOO ridiculous.

We decided to leave. And sortof made a plan that the three of them would catch the shuttle back to their car and I would hop in mine (only 1/2 a block away) and meet at Cheesecake Factory in Murray. And I having never been to Midway before...

9. Tried to navigate my way out of the town. Well, following the signs that say "Park City" is not what a girl should do. I found myself on a winding, treacherous mountain road that climbed up and up for days. And I was a nervous wreck and I was going way too fast, as usual and

10. The car started to overheat. I mean really badly too... with smoke and smells and

11. I pulled over on the side of the NO ROOM TO BE PULLING OVER road. And sat there by myself and my hot and wiggly youngest baby and my red as a tomato older baby were forced to be with me in a car that was at least 200 degrees and I had no choice but to sit there and cry. Because I didn't even know where I was and where was my husband? I just needed him to come and get me.

Finally after a desperate prayer of the most sincere kind... I

12. Turned the car around and coasted DOWN the road of hell, back to the city of hell, to the original starting point and hysterically asked a kind policeman to "get me the HELL out of this town or I was going to have a nervous breakdown and he was going to have to deal with me."

I don't know how, other that it must have been an act of God, but I managed to find mom and the girls and poor Kori once again, either volunteered or was forced by the other two to get in the car with me because she is a very calm person and is very level headed and the idea was to keep me distracted so that I wouldn't lose my mind. Well, we somehow managed to get safely to the Cheesecake Factory (again by an act of the Almighty), and we ate and talked a little and I tried to appear normal and in control, but sadly I was really coming unglued and so... I ditched out on another mall adventure and

13. Called it a weekend. Because I couldn't handle any more fun.

I came home, got in the shower and sobbed. Raleigh just came home and didn't say a word to me... he just grabbed me and held me like a baby and let me purge it all out.

I am a disaster. And I don't know if my life is really this complicated OR if I make it this complicated. But, who... but me... doesn't have the time of her life at a girls weekend? Who has this many things go wrong in a 48 hour period?

But I am not leaving my house except to go to work and church for the next 7 weeks. Because I am obviously not of sound mind and shouldn't be out among the general population without supervision. Sorry girls, maybe next year I will be myself again.

I love you all.... Thanks for trying.

If you want to... refer to Kami's blog for the pictures and for her version... because her version was a lot better than mine.