Whatever...

I am going to apologize ahead of time for this post. I have a ton of pent up emotions (anger) and have not had any time to release it. Most of my kids have been out of town for the past two weeks and so I haven't been able to unleash on them. I have hardly seen Raleigh, so he's escaped my wrath. But I have had a hell of a week/month/whatever.... lifetime. And this will be wordy and super boring with no pictures.... just a girl venting frustrations among friends.





1. I am 16 weeks pregnant with my SEVENTH child.





I know what you are thinking.... let me see if I cover the range of responses...


A. Oh my hell on earth. Do you two know what birth control is?


B. How many children does one woman need?


C. How close will THESE TWO be?


D. Do you even remember the names of all of them?


E. How old are you?


F. What are you trying to prove?


G. I didn't know it was possible to have that many children in that short of time.


H. Are you trying to kill yourself?


I. Are you insane?


J. Who do you think you are? Angelina Jolie?


K. Your uterus is going to freaking fall out of you and land on the floor.


L. Maybe you should get your tubes tied.


M. There's already a reality show about a couple who have a baby every year, pick something else.


N. Who is your doctor, and is he about to retire off of you?


O. You ARE NEVER going to produce another boy.... stop trying.





Did I guess yours?





Don't feel badly, what ever it is you are thinking, I have thought all of these thoughts and then some and I have said at least 300,000 swear words and shed more than 50 million tears.





But, I have been pretty sick for the past 14 weeks and deathly tired. If I am not at work, I am asleep/swearing/crying. I am the best wife... super fun, to say the least. Getting fat again. But the bottom line is that boy did this to me. HE, for some reason thinks that this is the greatest thing that could ever happen to us and having three children under the age of 2 1/2 is "freakin' awesome" And HE for some reason thinks we are going to be able to handle this and that everything is going to be okay and everytime I start crying, he is absolutely dumbfounded and can't figure out how come I am so emotional. But he hasn't had the "flu" for the past 94 days, he won't be the one laying on the table with her guts on the outside of her body, he won't be the one with an 8 inch gash across her stomach for the third time in three years, he won't be the one in excruciating pain for two weeks, he won't be the one with boobs from here to breakfast, he won't be the one getting up to pee 20 times a night, or getting fat or wanting to die with heartburn coming from (of all things) oatmeal.

In my defense, let me say that because of my age, I DO NOT have the luxury of putting a lot of space in between my children. And my sweet, totally deserving, willing to sacrifice all he has husband has always wanted three children. And so I am having to crank them out quickly so they can be born to a healthy mother. And I have to say in ALL honestly that I consider myself THE LUCKIEST woman alive that "I" am the girl he wanted to have his babies with. I am lucky, but THEY are luckier to have him for a dad. And so I will gladly take on this challenge even though it is more difficult than not. And I will consider every day a blessing... I love them, I love him, I love my life.



MOVING ON.................................................

2. About 3 months ago, we bought a big car. YAY for us. But that made us the proud owners of three cars and my "about to get his driver's license" son got the brilliant idea that HIS DAD could buy Raleigh's sweet car for him and he could "get all the ladies" with his "pimp ride". So, he tells his dad that the G35 is the car he wants.





So, my ex husband comes over to our house one day and expresses interest in buying Raleigh's car. We agree. So, fast forward to this past week (keep in mind, we have yet to see a dime for this car) my delightful and quite frankly scuzzy and sneaky ex husband comes over to our house in the middle of the night and has Brayden meet him outside to unlock Raleigh's car for him so he can (essentially) steal the registration out of it.





He does whatever sinister deed he needs to do with it and returns it the following day. Well, when I first caught wind of it, I was a little bothered but as the day rolled on, my botheredness turned into a raging inferno of uncontrollable anger and I unleashed a tirade on him in the form of bad ass text messages, telling him he was a first grade loser and a thief and he's lucky that I didn't call the local law enforcement on his Bonnie and Clyde slimy arse. And he's lucky he's not in the Eagle Mountain jailhouse with officer McDermott because it's pretty bad in there. And that if he EVER used one of my children to be his accomplice in another one of his misguided dealings, I would see to it that he NEVER saw them again.... and I went on and on.





The Result.... we are the proud owners of three cars.





3. Different frustration... same vein. My darling son is under the impression that since his dad expressed interest in purchasing our car that one day (keep in mind, not one thin cent has been laid down for the vehicle) that he gets to take the car whenever and wherever he desires. A thought will creep into his head





"I am hungry, it's 2:30 am, but my tummy's a growling, I will go into ma and pa's room while they are sleeping and get the keys and cruise on down to Mickey Ds and get me some chicken nuggets" or "I think I want to drive on up to Island Park, Idaho". Or "a weekend in St. George with my homies would sure be nice"





and he literally falls down on the floor and has a two year old tantrum and is in absolute shock when we say.............





"uhhhhhh, NO. You are not doing that or going there."





My once perfect child can go from Dr. Jeckyl to Mr. Hyde in 2.1 seconds and I have begun to think that he could come into my bedroom in the middle of the night and slit my throat while I am sleeping because I am styfling his teenage years. It was so much easier 14 years ago when I took his Big Wheel away because he rode it in the street. This sucks!! But, he honestly thinks he became a MAN last week and that HE makes the rules. Well, my long, greasy haired, pimply faced, not anywhere near graduated, making no effort whatsoever to find employment of any kind, TWEENER... until you contribute to the ethanol tank, you ain't going anywhere, son. Unless of course it benefits ME in some way. Yep, you're Driving Miss Daisy (and her sisters) or you ain't driving. And that'll be that.





4. My BIG baby is almost two and she is smarter than me. I suspected it could happen some day in the future but I never thought that it would be so soon. That whipper snapper can navigate my iPad better than anyone in our family. The other day some RAP song of her dad's was playing super loud and for the life of me, I could not and was not going to ever be able to figure out how to turn it down or off and I considered throwing it over the fence, but instead I yelled "sis, come turn this music off" and she comes into my bedroom swinging her arms, very annoyed that I have interrupted Bubble Guppies, and with the push of this button and the swipe of this and the push of this, the music stopped and it was quiet. She lowers herself off the bed and walks out of the room, swinging her arms ever more violently and looks back as she gets to the door and says (I swear on my life)





"gosh, are you kidding me?"





I don't know what to say... I'm in trouble.





5. I have blogged several times about the road leading up to our house. My mom affectionately calls it HELLS HIGHWAY and that is exactly what it is. Well, the good people of Utah have decided that now is a good time to do some more construction on it in hopes of improving it (which will never happen) but the road is a mess, there is an accident nearly every hour and it makes coming home a not so desirable idea. Anyway, on my way home from work I got behind "granny, scared to death to drive, should have just stayed home, possibly drunk" and I watched her swerve into oncoming traffic four times. Horns were blaring from the cars of the people coming at her with sheer panic stricken faces because they were about to meet their maker and they were nearly driving off cliffs to avoid her and she is just tooling along without a care in the world, like she owns the road in her Buick Regal. Well, we finally get to the red light at the top of the hill... miraculously alive and this HUGE man who is in the car in front of me and directly in back of her, gets out of his car and rampages up to her car and beats on her window and she (stupidly) rolls it down and he gives her a verbal thrashing that she will not soon forget that lasts for two light cycles, but none of us care because he was speaking for all of us (and we all had our windows down so we could hear) and her response to him when he was finished and walking away was..... are you ready for this?????





"Do not speak to me like that ever again, my husband is the bishop"





Oh my holy word... ONLY in Utah.





And that is all I have for now. But come on that is a lot.





Have a good day y'all