The Help of a Good Man

I think it's safe to say that this recent addition to our family has catapulted me into a new dimension. I know that it has because it feels entirely different. I don't know if even I know why. I sit and ponder it for long periods of time, trying to see if I can figure it all out. But I have yet to come up with an explanation. I met a lady at church yesterday. She was there visiting her sister and through the course of our conversation, she told me that she had 8 children and that her sister had 7. They were both in their 70's, I would guess. And so I said with my eyes full of tears...

"And you survived?"
They both started laughing out loud almost in unison they said "just barely."

And the tears started pouring out of my eyes and I unloaded on my new friends as if I'd known them all my life. I was talking so fast so that I could get all the words out that were in my head. And who cared? I would never see or talk to them again probably, so what did it matter that I was coming off like a lunatic.

I said, I just had a baby. And he is as sweet as he can be. And I love him with all my heart. But he is the seventh, through no fault of his own. And seven is for some reason twice as hard as six. It's just one more. So I don't get it. All that I used to be able to do, I for some unexplainable reason, now cannot. I don't like to go anywhere because it was hard enough to put two babies in the car, but three is damned near impossible. I can hardly bring myself to go to work because my heart aches while I am away from them. I just added another person to my list of worries. We are never not going to have sickness in some form at our house for the rest of our lives. I am changing diapers all the time. I have bottles and sippy cups coming out of my ears. I have forgotten what it feels like to sit and hold my husbands hand. I nearly lose my mind when people say "well, you have it easy, you have your big kids to help you" because have you all forgotten that I did this 14 years ago??? I've done this before and now I am on ROUND TWO and yes, I have teenagers living in my house to "help me" but I also have teenagers living in my house. With added drama, sickness, mess, consuming all my food and money and they have their problems that I too must deal with and their problems are not easily fixable like the babies. They are complicated and often require thoughts, or me going somewhere in the car, or me having to be smart. And who, in their right mind, has babies this close together? And we are doing this all by ourselves because our family is 300 miles away. And they are very supportive, but they are 300 miles away.And.... and...... I went on and on while they listened with big grins on their faces as if to say "we are sorry but we are so glad it's you and NOT us." And then the cute, little, well put together one said "do you have a good husband to help you?" And I said "oh yes, he is the light of my life and the reason that I love waking up in the morning" and she said "oh my dear, then you have everything you need to get through this" And I said "yes, I think that you are right"

And for the rest of the day I kept thinking... I can do anything if he is right there by my side. I can get through the sicknesses and the diapers and the drama if I know I have him to help me. Because he gives me the strenghth I need. He picks up where I leave off. He is strong where I am weak. He boosts my confidence and finds joy in everything. There isnt one aspect of this that he doesn't do. He is a bath giver and a bottle maker and a diaper changer and a chauffer and a disciplinarian and he makes dinner and cleans the house and does laundry and holds sick babies and goes with me to the doctor when they have to get shots and he loves me and encourages me and looks at me with the sweetest face whenever I need him to and the list goes sickningly on and on. And I know that the day will come that we will drop this little boy off at the MTC and my sweet husband and I will be holding hands and we will say "where did the time go?" And "how did we get through that?" And I will know that I couldn't have done all that was required of a mother of seven if not for the help of a very good man.