Health Issues, Clingy Babies and The World's Greatest Husband

"So... I'm dying. I really am, I mean it this time"

I say to Raleigh as he comes in the door from work last night. "I promise you, Ral, I have a brain tumor and it is a rapidly growing one and it is filling up my head and it is causing my ear to swell shut and it's going to burst my eye socket right out of my head" My ears have been plugged up since a month before my baby was born. And they ring. At first it was a ring, now I think I can hear voices. That compel me to do things like eat at Chick fil A three days in a row. But, that's another story.

He does as he always does when I go hypochondriac on him and he sits right next to me and puts his hand on my leg and changes his countenance to his most compassionate face. He listens to me ramble on endlessly in full detail. He allows me to spell out the reasons why I believe impending death is right around the corner. I tell him that I suppose it'd be okay for him to remarry. For the children's sake. But I have rules... she must be no less than 175 pounds, she must have one or two warts somewhere visable and she can't sleep in the same bed as him. Or I will haunt the hell out of him. And I give him strict instructions like... I don't want him to spend a lot of money on my casket. I mean, it's just going in the ground. "Build me a pine box and shove me in that." I say. And I am totally serious. I am looking him straight in the eye and nodding my head really fast, hoping to get some sort of visual agreement out of him. I want him to bury it in the mountains somewhere, but I think there are laws against that. And if someone saw him, they might think he had killed me... and put me callously in a pine box...and buried me in the woods... Hummmmmmm.

"Why don't you go to the doctor?" he suggests delicately hoping not to rain on my parade. "They might be able to save you, or at the very least prolong your life."

I finally agree.

Imagine my disappointment to learn that I only have Meniere's Disease. An annoying and hardly treatable disorder. Simply put, I will have to trudge along persevering through this life, for it looks like forty or fifty more years... albeit with vertigo. Which explains why I fall all the time and can't keep a clear thought in my head. Oh don't worry... there's medication for that... but the ringing is here to stay. If only those voices could guide me toward fortune and fame.

Moving on....

These kids can't leave me alone. I must be the world's most interesting woman. Raleigh had PI this weekend and the big kids were in Arizona, so it was "all mom- all- the- time." There were a total of 43 minutes the entire weekend that I didn't have one or three of them on me. I know it was 43 minutes because that was the amount of time I managed to spend in the bathroom with the door locked. Even though their keen sense of hearing would alert them to the sound of the lock, no matter how carefully I turned it and it was a matter of seconds and I would see twenty little fingers under the door.

"what are you doing in there, Mom?" The big one would ask
"I am having a tea party with 9 of my friends, I'll be out in a minute" I would say. But, I take my time.

I know as long as I can see the fingers, they are safe and not getting into trouble. And the fingers never leave. Neither, the room full of toys we've spent hundreds of dollars on nor the 125 episodes of Dora we've recorded are enough to distract them. Nothing else in this entire world, holds a candle to the excitement of mom coming out of the powder room.

I open the door and there they are Patience and Determination. Laying on their stomachs. Ready to leech onto me again. "hold you, hold you" they say. This... this is why my house is a wreck. It's not that I lack domesticity, it's just that my kids really, really love me.

I'm just saying... if this was my first go round, it might not feel so blase'... but I feel as though I've done this before. It feels a bit familar, but different. It's like I've done these same exact things before but I can hardly remember. It was so long ago. I have concluded that I am enjoying it so much more this time for two reasons...

1. I am happier now. It's a different life for me. So the exact same scenarios feel different. They don't overwhelm me as much as they did the first time. I am not a nervous wreck like I was before. I am content with this life because it is a very good life. and.....

2. I know that the personalities they have now and the characteristics they have now will not stay. I know one day they will be funny teenagers who would rather hang with their peeps than with their mom. I know diapers will end. I know senseless crying ends. I know they will one day be able to eat without getting it everwhere.

So, I must enjoy these days because before I know it, they will stop saying words incorrectly, they will stop dancing in the middle of the room when they hear music, they will stop wanting to sit on my lap when they are sad, they will stop giving kisses.

Finally....

I love how Raleigh gives me the illusion that I get to pick where we eat. He will say "it's your special day, where are we eating?" And I will say "let's go to Good Wood" and then he drives to Fuddruckers. It's totally okay. I could tell almost instantly that he didn't want to go there. All I really want is a diet coke any way. I don't care what the entree is. So it makes no sense for me to ever be the picker. But, I LOVE that he attempts to give me the chance.

Here is what is really happening in his head. (I will write his thoughts in BYU blue.)

I want to go to Fuddruckers... I want a burger.

But I chose the place the last time we ate out. I need to let her choose this time. She's not a strong decision maker and I need to help her learn how to be strong. But I sure hope she chooses a burger joint. It will make it easier to steer her towards where I am wanting to go. That way she'll think she made the decision and I will get me my 1/3 pounder with pepper jack... So yummy.

"lets go to Good Wood" he hears...

Oh shoot, now what? They don't have burgers at Good Wood. Not good ones anyway. And I want a burger.

I will drive to Fuddruckers and she will be totally okay with it because she is an easy going wife and she always only wants me to be happy.

And she will think... oh he must have wanted a burger, and I want him to be happy.

All she really wants is a diet coke anyway. She will forget that she wanted to go to Good Wood plus we will go there another time.... When I want pulled pork and ribs.

I really do love him more than I will ever be able to adequately articulate. He makes me happier than I ever thought I could ever hope to be. We just work. And I love how he thinks and what he says and how he says it. I don't care where we eat, as long as I get to sit across from him and laugh.... while I drink my cola... that is what life is all about anyway.

Geez, what a stupid post..............