Hi.... I'm Gene

I am a deeply spiritual person.   It may sound completely arrogant, but I believe that I have a very close relationship with my Savior.  I have always felt that way, my whole life.  I had my first heart-felt, sincere prayer answered when I was seven years old.  I KNEW at that young age that my Heavenly Father hears my prayers and answers them.

So, my whole life, I have always tried to be prayerful.  Even in my darkest days, I never stopped praying and I received tender mercies on nearly a daily basis.   My husband, my biggest one of all.  I have always known that I am being watched over and protected and LOVED.  

So, the other day, I poured out my heart and soul to my Heavenly Father about a topic that I have been struggling with.  And my prayer consisted of me saying things like....  "I am a full time working mother of seven children and as much as I would LOVE to sit for hours and study and research answers to my questions, I simply do not have time.  Couldn't I just be blessed with the knowledge being placed in my brain.  I promise, if this were to happen, I would not take the information for granted and I will use it to bless my life and the lives of others.... etc."

My question was this:

I have a lot of faith.  I believe faith can heal bodies and minds and hearts.  I believe faith can cause miracles to occur and I have at least as much faith as a mustard seed and so I should be able to move a mountain.  But, my faith in myself having enough faith to move a mountain dwindles when I think  

No matter how strong my faith is.... the mountain will not move if it is not the Lord's will.  So what is the point of having faith?  I'm smart enough to know that the Lord allows us to go through trials and sufferings so that we can learn and grow.  And so sometimes when we are sick, for instance, and we can pray with our entire soul to be healed and we may have the pure faith of David,  but if it is not the Lord's will for us to be healed and it is his will for us to suffer through our illness, we will, regardless of our faith level.  So why have faith?

Are you still with me?  

So....  last Monday, I was on my 6:00 walk.  I walk 5 miles every morning.  The same route at the same time.  And I have been doing that for 9 months, faithfully.  Well, I was walking along, praying for easy answers to my questions and I turned a corner and there was a man standing there.  

He was in his late 60s early 70s.  He was about 6'1, he was bald, slender and very kind looking.  He was wearing a dark green t-shirt and camouflage pajama pants with the same color green in the pattern.  He matched perfectly, in other words.  He was wearing glasses and he had perfectly straight teeth and a very warm smile.  

He was just standing there, as if he were waiting for me.  And as I came around the corner, he said "you walk so fast,  I've been trying to catch up to you.   I am Gene and I'd like to walk with you." 

For some reason, I wasn't scared or weirded out and I said sure.  

He said I looked like I had a head full of questions.   He told me he was a psychologist and he has made a life of reading people.  He could tell that I had been troubled by heavy burdens in my life.  And he asked me to tell him my life story.  

I was talking a hundred miles an hour telling him I had lots of children and that I worked full time and that I wanted to do so much more than I am doing and I wanted to be so much more than I am, but that I didn't have enough hours in the day to get anywhere close to where I want to be.  It seems that every time I get a spare minute to do something for myself to improve, someone comes in with a problem that I need to solve or a place that I need to take them to or I need to kiss a boo-boo or give a bath or wash a load of laundry or whatever.   I am overwhelmed and under developed and I feel really badly about it.  

And that was that.  My walk was over and we parted ways.  

The next day,  and the day after that and the day after that, there he was again.  And we picked up right where we left off.  And I unloaded all of my questions on him and he answered me.  And he is brilliant and his answers are so simple and profound.

So today,  I decided to ask him my ultimate faith question.  I said "Gene, will you answer this question for me?"  And I asked it...  And here was his answer

"The Lord does not want us to suffer,  he wants us to overcome....

So, it's not that you are asking for things in complete faith and they are not happening because the Lord wants you to suffer through trials, it's that he wants you to seek to find the way to overcome.  So your question or your faith should be in seeking to find the way to overcome what you are going through.  Rather than ask for the trial to be removed, ask for the ability to endure it well.  And the Faith will be in knowing that your Heavenly Father will bless you with that ability.  And trusting that the Lord will put you exactly where you need to be.  Faith is not a thought process,   Faith is power.... a power to overcome.  It is YOUR power.  And when you are seeking to overcome, rather than submitting to suffering through something, you are filled with the power of Faith. "

OH......  well when you say it like that....  

I said "Gene, I prayed for you to come into my life."  

And he said  "I know.  Because the Lord told me to find you."

  And then he said   "I am going on a trip for 2 weeks and the mornings are too dark to walk out side now,  so I hope you will be okay until we meet again.  But I will pray for you.  And I want you to know that your Heavenly Father loves you and answers your prayers." 

And he left.   

I could almost think that he was an angel.  But I researched him in my LDS tools app and he is very much a real person.  But to me, he is MY angel.  Sent to me to let me know that I matter.  And what I think matters to someone.  

And for now, for me,  that is just enough.