October 2020

October started off as it always does....  with General Conference.  

I tried to prepare for it prayerfully....  I DID have a few questions that I needed answers to.

I was beyond pleased when almost the very first talk answered me and made me feel like I am listened to and loved.  

However, this particular October 2020 conference... submersed in the middle of a pandemic/election/chaotic "mess of a world" time.... was very difficult for me.

I heard almost every single one of our beloved apostles tell us to "prepare for hard times ahead",  "if you are prepared, you shall not fear",  "none of you will be exempt from trials and hardships"....  

and all I heard (because I am ME) was

"Kaci, you are DOOMED!!!

The very worst thing imaginable will happen to you in the very near future.

Get ready for it"

For the next three days, if I wasn't distracted by work or kid stuff,  I was crying.

I haven't had an anxiety attack for years, but I had several over a three day period.

I forgot what it's like to have them.

I HATE them.  

Anxiety is a very real thing, I have it.  

I am aware I have it.

Luckily for me, I know how to control it thanks to a little BYU education.

But, attacks do still come to me from time to time.

And this time they kicked my butt.

I finally got up the courage to talk to my mom and Raleigh about it. 

My mom was her usual supportive self and calmed my fears.

I expected Raleigh to laugh at me and tell me I was being ridiculous.

I was shocked when he listened with empathy and love, while I could hardly breathe and I rambled on and on that I was terrified one of our children was going to die OR WORSE that he was going to die. 

See,  I can go through anything and survive, if he is by my side. 

I said "if you die, I will be completely alone and that will be horrible, but worse than that,  I won't know how to turn on the dag gum TV or the lights or how to sign into the internet.  (Everything is automated).  I don't know who our mortgage company is and I cannot, no matter how hard I try, start the lawn mower by myself... I am not strong enough."

He said...  My crazy little lover, I'm not planning to go anywhere, but if I do...  

our mortgage company is _________

The lights are controlled like this  _____________

And Papa can start the mower for you.

This DID NOT HELP!!!

Why would you say these words?

Implying my fears could come to pass.

I don't really want to know how to do those things.

I just need to know that he will always be around to do them for me.

That is why I chose a younger man afterall, so I'd have him around for the rest of my days.

Just say you'll be around for a while.

One day,  I happened to look outside the window at my miracle tree.

The one that Heavenly Father sent to me, so that I would know that He is watching over us and providing for us.  

It is over 6 feet tall in just one year and it stands as a beacon over our house, serving as a daily reminder to me that I am loved and cared for. 

I'll be really sad if it turns out that this is just a tree and not a miracle tree. 

But, in my mind it sends a message that calms my anxious soul.

Peyton let me curl her hair and she wore it down for an entire Sunday.

I asked if I could take her picture.

She protested with words, but freely followed me and without prodding, posed with her hand on her hip like inwardly she was feelin' it.

She also asked if she could use my really expensive, girly smelling lotion from Bath and Body Works and I ran to my closet as fast as my feet could carry me to put on my shoes, so that I could take her to the mall to buy her $50 of her OWN girly lotion.  This made me SO happy.  Like giddy even.  

Ryker's class had a State Fair. 

They were told to Make, Grow or Raise something to display to the class. 

Growing and Raising are not our strong suits, but Making is.

He designed a corn hole game board and Rals helped him Make it.

He wasn't bothered by the sander, so he did all of the sanding

and he was proud of himself.

But the power tools are too loud for him.

He is very sensitive to loud noises, he has to plug his ears or he gets agitated.

He's going to donate it to the class to use at recess.

It is so cute and he is SO VERY proud of it.

The State Fair was so cute.  There were so many third graders with so many different projects and they would try and tell us about their hard work.... 

 "laogjoi oakja dlkr aewruoj d aodj aajdf ayfj"  

Sorry little child, we can't understand a word you are saying under your mask.  But you sure are darling.....

I spent one Saturday distracting myself from my anxieties.

I cleaned out the pantry and organized our food storage and made a careful accounting.

Then I sat on the stairs and counted my many blessings.

Of which there are far too many to count.

One of them being my cute house that I love!!!

I feel so happy when it is clean and quiet and smells so good

One of the best coping mechanisms for anxiety is to submerse yourself in meaningful activity.

Works every time.

My Sam....  is the coolest chick I know.

She can literally do anything.

She is one of those over confident women who is like a man in a tiny girl's body.

Right before she drew a tag and shot this bad boy, she fixed the outdoor lighting at the resort and fixed the adult hot tub that hadn't been working for two days.

Plus, she also helped me like four times to not have work stress melt downs and made me laugh several times with her appropriately placed F words and her supportive passive-aggressive comments to people who totally deserve them.

I don't know what I would do without her in my life.

Quincey got a bigger bed, so she gave Ryker her full size mattress set.  

Ryker has been asking for a big bed like KK's since we moved in.  We had to put the top bunk (which is what he was using) back in Peyton's room.  Then we moved the bed from Quincey's room to Ryker's room.  Rals repositioned TWO TVs and moved dressers and desks around and threw SO many unnecessary toys away.

We thought it would take us about an hour to move the bedrooms around.  It ended up taking an entire Saturday and we were so sore and tired when it was over.  

Ryker's reaction was worth it though.  He was so happy and feels like a big kid now.  

We'll get some cute curtains and photos for the walls, so that it will feel cozy just in time for colder weather.

Peyton spends a lot of time in her room, so it was important for us to give her some cute space.

She draws and listens to music and plays Fortnite with her buddies.

It looks so much bigger now and feels roomie

KK watched some scary movies one night and couldn't sleep in her own bed for several weeks.

We didn't know.

We just knew that we would find her on the couch upstairs in the morning and she would be under-refreshed and grumpy.  

Finally, Raleigh had a talk with her.  She told him she was terrified of something being under her bed.  They brainstormed a bunch of ideas that might help with her fears. 

They came up with this idea.......

No creature would ever want to hide under a bed that is lit up like the noon-day sun.

It worked like a charm.  World's greatest night light.

Better sleep.

Better moods.

Peyton is playing football again.

It's fun to go to her games

This particular Monday, she had a double header.  This particular night was a bitter winter storm.  By St. George standards of course....

You know it's cold when I bring out the Best Buy Coat.

Gale Force Winds were blowing.

We had all of our warmest clothes on and multiple blankets and a space heater and yet, we were miserable.

Half way through the second game, KK and I packed it up and headed to the car.  

The footballers continued to power through.

Peyton scored three times.  She caught two passes in the end zone and ran another one in on a two-point conversion.  She's pretty good.

Every once in a while my wonderful Colorado City friends bring me treats.

I love when they ask if I am at my office and if they can stop by...

that always means they have something for me.

They truly are amazing people.  

I am so glad that I have so many of them as friends

(almost all of that was homegrown)

One Saturday....  Raleigh got a wild hair and decided to re-face our fireplace.

He just started tearing the "stock" molding off in a frenzy.

It used to look like this...

Next thing I knew, I heard the saw and the nail gun.

And he didn't stop there...  he bought thick foam pads and covered the nook benches with luxuriously soft material.  Inviting people to sit on them.  Which everyone knows is a total NO-NO

1000% improvement.

After YEARS of begging... 

Our kids finally were able to get Raleigh to agree to buy them pumpkins 

so that we could carve them.

They have been asking since they were little.

They had to do all kinds of chores first.

We bought the LAST three pumpkins in the town.

They were flawed and mis-shapen misfit pumpkins.

KK was a complete spaz.  She flung seeds all over the kitchen with her wild scooping

Raleigh had to take over, even though he SWORE he wouldn't

Next thing I knew, he was smack dab in the middle of the action

Having the best of times.

He even turned on Halloween Music

Memories were made

Children were happy.

The Halloween Parade at our new school was a breeze.

The difference between an organized school and a chaotic mess of a school is amazing.

Our new school is so organized and is such a happy place for everyone.

I never thought we could be as happy as we were at Riverside, but we are.

We were in and out of the parade in 20 minutes. I was able to find a parking space right across the street.

As much as I kind of loathe Halloween in general, this one was not too bad.

We trick or treated at Papa and Nana's house.

Peyton opted out and stayed in our neighborhood with her friends.

These two little twins roamed the neighborhood by themselves.

They are such cute friends.  They are kind to each other and take care of each other.

KK wore Morgan's 7th grade cheer uniform. It was so itchy and stiff.

She's decided cheer leading is NOT for her.

Walt demonstrated the way one old man in Nana's neighborhood passed out candy.

"So there was this grandpa and he used....  PLIERS....  to hand out candy."

KK said "Not pliers silly,  TONGS."

"Oh yeah, tongs."

 So the man had one in each hand and he was super grumpy.  The kids would say Trick or Treat and he would grumble and say yeah....  I'm getting it."

Then KK stepped up there and he gave her a tootsie roll with one hand, but I think he kindof thought she was cute or something because he said wait, that's not enough 

So then with the other hand he grabbed some dots and he put them in her bucket....  

AND THEN HE SAID

Here let's give you something to cheer about"

Raleigh and I burst out laughing.

It was so funny.

We continue to be plagued with the woes of 2020

we are 3 days away from what could be a historical election.

There are so many speculative outcomes and the same people who are not only panicked about the virus and have started panic shopping again are also predicting civil unrest this upcoming week.

I don't know this world that we live in right now

 I suppose the phenomenon that I am experiencing is the thing that everyone is talking about. 

The whole world is going through crazy emotions of fear and uncertainty.  Who knew we would ever go through something so bizarre.  Who knew the scriptures and the words of the prophets would actually come to pass.  

I am so tired of writing about this stupid virus and it's accompanying side effects.

I hate that we are all weird now and things are weird

I hate politics and political figures right now

I hope that somehow we are able to control ourselves next week and be kind to each other

I hope that by next Halloween, we will be back to normal and not living this New Normal that is so stupid

I hope that we can continue to be happy in our little family, carrying on traditions and making new ones to the best of our abilities.

We truly are blessed