Raleigh had a business trip in Dallas at the beginning of the month. I am sure it's a lovely city and I'm sure nice people live there... But I was so mad at Dallas
Because I hate business trips. Especially when they are essentially worthless and will most likely generate zero ROI. I hate work trips mostly because I miss him while he is gone. But also because I don't sleep well while he is gone, so I end up feeling exhausted and emotional. Also, I have to pull double duty while he is gone and the sad thing is he works so much harder than I do, so by double duty it's more like I have to go from 30% workload to 200% and that nearly kills me. Also, I have anxiety about his safety until he is safe on St. George soil again and so in this case that was a week's worth of worrying. He was required to take this obnoxious monstrocity on the plane with him. This was all the fixins' for a booth backdrop.
But I think things came together pretty well considering I had 6 migraines and looked like Quasi Modo for two whole weeks, I had so much tension in my shoulders. Here are a couple of examples.
Church
I struggled this month in my calling. I haven't done that before. Up until this past month, I have had nothing but wonderful, spiritual experiences. In January, all of my darling, wonderful, amazing kids moved up to the next age group class and left the naughty kids behind. This month, the kids in my class were SO challenging. I don't know what got into them. They were disrespectful and rude and awful to say the very least. I very nearly wrapped my hands around the neck of one of the kids. It was so bad, my partner came straight over to our house after church with a gift and a hug and apologized on behalf of the class and promised she would make everything right. Not that it is her responsibility, but she volunteered to fall on the sword and go over and talk to the parents of some of the kids. The thing is.... I don't care if they don't want to listen or learn, that is on them. All I care about it that I learned. And that I grew spiritually. And that I gained a stronger testimony. All of those things happened. I am also glad I was furious rather than sad. Furious is so much easier to deal with emotionally than sadness. On another day, I might have been so sad. But not this day. I was livid and I am very glad I don't have to teach again until late March. It will take me at least that long to forgive and forget.
Nevertheless, I am LOVING the Old Testament. Like madly adoring it and the people in the stories. This week, Rebekah changed my life. That sounds so dramatic, but it isn't. She made me so much better. I have awakened to a new sense of self and I look back on my past with new eyes. I no longer regret certain decisions because I have been enlightened. I am going to write a quote here that I learned, so that I will NEVER ever forget it.
"Women are appointed Rebekah-like. To be guides and lights in righteousness in the family unit and to engineer and arrange so that things are done in a way that will result in the salvation of more of the Father's children. To create environments where correct blessings are given."
Those who really know me will know exactly what life events/decisions I am talking about that I engineered and arranged. Some of them have brought me guilt over the years.... but NO MORE!! I know now that I had to make those decisions. The very salvation of certain family members depended on it. My salvation depended on it. I know now a decade (and a half) later that I simply had to do what I did, there was no other choice. OR there was simply a better choice. Thank you Rebekah for allowing me to see myself in you.
Ryker
In Ryker's class, the kids are rewarded with currency called "Scholar Dollars." They save them up and practice banking and trading for fun toys and art supplies. The kids love them. Ryker had over a thousand scholar dollars and one day, he and his friend Michael were at "the bank" switching out ones, fives and tens for twenties and hundreds. Apparently, the kids are allowed to switch out their money on their own. (Mistake). Ryker is super anal and he was making sure to account for every single dollar and Michael was helping him. Then the class went out to final recess. While they were outside, one of the students came into the classroom and stole hundreds of scholar dollars from the bank. The teacher realized immediately when everyone was back after recess that the bank was messed up and dollars were missing and she was very upset and expressed her disappointment to the class and she said if the money wasn't returned, the entire class would have to lose all of their dollars. Then she stepped outside for a minute to talk to one of the other teachers. The kids started saying things like.... "who took the money? Whoever it is better put it back or we are all going to lose our money." Finally one of the kids said "lets all contribute a little of our money, so we all don't have to suffer." And he led the charge. Another boy stepped up and put in a few of his dollars too. When the teacher came back in, one of the girls said "teacher, you should see the bank, some of the money is back."
She sent an email to all the parents that night expressing her sadness for the theft, but her happiness that a couple of kids tried to make it right for the class and didn't name any names but encouraged us to talk to our kids and try and get the real story out of them, so the thief might be identified. We called Ryker into our room to hear his version of events. And the story immediately seemed a little fishy. We were mostly bothered by the fact that he was exchanging money right before the theft and in the back of our minds, we were nervous our son was the one with sticky fingers. We were surprised to learn that HE was the one who suggested that everyone contribute their money and put it back in the bank to avoid every one losing theirs and instead of being proud of him, we were even more bothered. We kindof starting interrogating him like "Are you sure you weren't the one who took the money? why would you put your money back into the bank? That's weird. If you didn't take any money, why would you feel the need to put money back in? He started crying and his words went from "I just didn't want anyone to lose their money... to... I don't know, are you saying that maybe I made a mistake while I was banking... to maybe everyone thinks I am the thief" Even though he KNEW he hadn't stolen anything, he was very concerned that we didn't believe him and then even started questioning himself and his actions.
I said.... Ryker, only you know the truth. You and Jesus. This is between you and Jesus. Not me. But the whole thing had gotten so out of control at this point that he was inconsolable even though he knew his standing with Jesus was just fine.
So, I said should I call Michael's mom and see what Michael told her? Thinking that if he was the thief, he wouldn't want me to talk to anyone. And he didn't hesitate.... yes, call her. So I did and Michael's interpretation of events matched Rykers, that he hadn't done anything wrong. Then I said "should I email your teacher and ask her what she knows?" And again, yes, do that. So I did. She responded right back to me.
She said, "I now know who took the money and I can tell you that your son had nothing to do with the theft of it and in fact sacrificed his own money to save everyone elses". It felt pretty good once we realized that instead of a possible thief, we actually were the parents of a good leader and a good example to others. Poor little kid. Even though he hadn't done anything wrong and did everything right, it was a very good lesson for him to learn. He doesn't ever want to go anywhere near being guilty of theivery.
While Rals was gone and I was pulling Mom and Dad duty, I attended Ryker's assembly where he was given the Armor of Achievement for his incredibly hard work in math. He is on a 5th grade level half way through 4th grade. Who's child is he?
Friends and Family
Wendy is one of my oldest and dearest friends. We weren't really that close when we were younger, but as we have matured and grown up, we have literally walked parellel paths in life. And over the years, we have leaned on each other for comfort and support.
She is SO good to always come and see me when she is in town. Some people are just good like that. I think it's a confidence thing... Nevertheless, we have been able to keep up with each others lives solely because she is so good to come and visit with me. I love our visits. This time she brought her husband, Grant. We were able to get to know him better and I am so happy about that. This visit lifted my spirits tremendously. I was having a hard day and there she was. Such a blessing.
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