Here I am at the end of the month with literally nothing to report about. January, a typically sad month for me, just wasn't this time. It clicked along and passed by in a blink of an eye with virtually no reportable events. We didn't do much more than just live life. There is something so joyous about contentment. You don't get it, unless you get it. I remember January of 2015. I am not entirely sure what was going on that year, but I remember January vividly and the overwhelming daily depression I was in. I was working at Jensen. I think Jensen will be the job that everyone in hell will be required to work. Maybe that was the underlying cause of my catastrophic sadness, but there had to have been other factors that thankfully, I have blocked from my memories. I would stand in the shower every day and say the words "I think I can get through today, I am not sure about tomorrow, but I may be able to get through today, if I try really hard." I don't ever want to go back to that. Bottom line is..... I am just so extraordinarily happy that I have moved on from that time of my life. I love that I didn't have one single day in this January that I thought those thoughts.
I spent so many days listening to podcasts helping me learn the Old Testiment. I am so glad that at age 50, I am finally getting a grip on the gospel. I have thought many times this month "how have I never known this?" It makes me wonder if we are all being secretly enlightened on a very personal level at the same time but in different ways. Like it wasn't supposed to happen until now. Nevertheless, I love increased light and knowledge. I also love that I am on the knowledge train. Albeit maybe in the very back passenger car just before the caboose. What can I say, I was living a difficult life until just a few short years ago.
I spent the bulk of the month having adult conversations with my big kids that are technically adults, but are also still kids. Quincey went though a major personality transformation following her cross country excursion. That experience either forced her to see herself differently OR seeing herself differently was her gift from God for unselfishly serving her family. Whatever it is, she is a new person. All for the better. She is working non-stop, 2 jobs. She works at her day job and then comes out and works nights for me. Rather than feel sorry for herself, she is vibrant and happy and positive. She is putting herself out there, going on dates and hanging out with friends. She bought a little couch, so she could make a living room out of one of the corners of her super cute studio apartment. We had the wrong cushion on the couch at the time of this photo. Once we figured that out, it was more even.
Brayden is trying to get settled here in St. George, but isn't having an easy time of it. He doesn't love his job and feels sad. I tried to help him see some good things that were going on in his life and I tried to help him find another job that might generate a little more income or make him happier, but he isn't having it right now. He may come around eventually, but he for some reason likes to live in that space where he thinks life just sucks and there isn't too much I am able or interested in doing about it. I can't help someone who is not wanting my help. I will just be here if he needs to come and talk. But it made me think back to my horrible 2015 January where I thought... I can just stay here and not make any changes and keep feeling like this OR I can make a few adjustments and maybe might have to work a little harder or change things up a bit in the hope that it will improve. It has been really hard for me to watch them struggle. But, I just hope that my past life experiences will somehow just inspire them to not have to go through them. It just doesn't work that way. We are all meant to go through this stuff. It helps us to learn and grow.
The Harker Girls invited us to listen to their violin conceert. Since we coudn't really go to the real performance, they did a little dress rehersal for us at the church by my work. Worlds colided with them in our church building. But, it was so much fun. Their costumes were darling. They chose a country. They handmade a costume representing that country and then chose a piece of music from the country to perform. Mexico, Czechoslovakia, Romania, Germany and Netherlands to name a few. I finally got to meet Little Lovie in person, even through she was too shy to talk to me. They are so talented. What a blessing it is to be friends with them. They truly are wonderful women.
Peyton had dress up week at her school. Hat day, sock day, all white day and tie day... I thought I would tie a ribbon around her wrist or put a bow in her ponytail on tie day, but she had a different plan. She wore one of dad's ties under her sweatshirt. She looked pretty darling
Quincey and Grant accidentally showed up at Papa and Nana's house at the same time. It was fun for these two cousins to re-connect. It's been a long time
I think we all had a very mild case of Omicron. KK came down with it first. It was a Saturday and her friend Brooke was here. They spent the bulk of the day upstairs. I could hear Brooke having a good time playing on the Oculous. I didn't know that KK was feeling poorly. But 5 minutes after Brooke left, I got a text from KK saying "mom, can you help me? I am sick." I found her in her bed, crying. She had a little fever. I asked her why she was crying and she said..... "I am just so happy Brooke finally left. I was trying so hard to pretend I was normal, but I just wanted to lay down and go to sleep SO BAD. It is exhausting to pretend you feel good when you don't AT ALL." I filled her up with medicine and then checked on her no less than 10 times throughout the night. She is my seizure girl and I didn't want to risk that happening again. We were able to keep her fever down fairly low and she was pretty back to normal in just a few days.
I had a low grade fever a few days later, but never felt terribly sick. I sortof lost my voice and kind of felt achy, but that was the worst of my symptoms. I had just hired a new assistant and her first day of work was the same day our boss came into town. I couldn't leave her alone with him, poor girl. So I went to work, even though I probably shouldn't have. My boss asked me to pick him us from the airport. I can think of at least 100 things I would have rather done. I tried to get several maintenance guys to take one for the team for me, but none of them would. I drove out there, wasting my gas, feeling like poo-poo. I felt pretty cranky about it until I drove up and saw him sitting on the bench in front of the airport with Kalani Sitake. He took my picutre with him. I look like a person trying to look like she feels good when she didn't... but it was a thrill none the less. He is a very nice person. And he bear hugged me just like a polyneasian man should have and thanked me for reppin' the "Y" on my license plate. Made me proud to be an alumni for sure.
Ryker has been going through a pretty difficult time for about a month. He all of the sudden in the middle of Christmas Break decided to be terrified of Covid. He was playing outside with his friends one day in mid-December and one of the neighbor kids sneezed on his hand. And to say the least, he flipped out. Every night over the next month nearly on the dot at 7:00, he would come into our room in tears.... terrified that he couldn't breathe, that he had a cough, that his chest was tight, that he couldn't taste or smell, that he had a sharp, stabbing pain in his chest, that his legs were weak, that his arm muscles were sore, that he couldn't fall asleep and I could go on and on. At first, we were compassionate and tried to teach him coping skills. We tried to instill courage and confidence in him. But as the days rolled by, we started getting so unbelievably annoyed... because it was every day. And he wouldn't listen to us. Nothing we said would console him. Finally on the last day of January, Raleigh very firmly said "WALT!! Go get in the car, right now, we are going to the doctor." And he did. He went in and put his shoes on and got right in the car without any hesitation. We took him to the doctor. Nighttime Pediatrics.
And this sweet doctor spent over 40 minutes talking to him about his body. She let him wear the stethoscope and listen to his beating heart. She taught him how to find and monitor his own pulse. She told him his heart was one of the strongest hearts she'd ever heard. She said his lungs were perfectly clear and his breathing was spectacular. She told us that the processing of all of this covid BS is finally catching up with these little kids and where we were scared a year or so ago, they are finally processing everything and becoming scared. She said she had seen so many children suffering from severe anxiety just like him. She knew exactly what to say to him and she made us feel good too. Thank goodness for doctors who tell us the truth about what is really going on and that we are all going to be okay.
Such an incredibly boring recap of an incredibily boring month. But, I really liked it a lot. It was low key and filled with all kinds of fabulous new knowledge and revelations. I am so glad it is this time of my life and not that old dumb time. We are so blessed.
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