August 2023

 I will start August off with our Vacation to Park City even though it really began in July...

We left on Saturday morning with bags not only packed for Park City, but for Girls Camp.

The girls were going to Heber Valley Camp this year and even though they were NOT fans of Girls Camp last year, they agreed to go this year IF and ONLY IF we were 20 miles down the road in Park City and would promise to come get them if it was bad or if they got sick or something.

We agreed and made all the arrangements. 

I am in Young Women now, but there is not a chance in hell I will be anywhere near Girls Camp ever again in my lifetime.  I did my time at Girls Camp in my teenage years.  I suffered through every year.  I was not a fan in the 80's I would be even less of a fan at age 52, there is not a doubt in my mind.  There is NO changing my mind.  It is made up.   Me and Girls Camp are not friends, never will be.  

But, I wanted to contribute in any way I could.  So I volunteered my husband to drive the Camp Trailer up and back.  Surely, that would make it, so I didn't appear like I wasn't a team player.

My lover did all of the hard work.  He met all of the parents and girls at the stake center, the Friday before camp.  He made sure everything was labeled and the trailer was loaded correctly.  And he towed it and backed it up.... all of the hard stuff.  We drove the trailer up on Saturday and dropped it off at Camp two days prior to the girls arriving and then we started our Park City Vacation.

We met The Hyde kids for an early dinner at 5 Guys....

One of our favorites.  

They are as cute as they can be.

We checked into Mountainside at 4:00.  We were tired from the trip and opted to be lazy and stay in and watch the baseball game.  We hadn't been in our room for 2 hours, when Raleigh went over to the window and said... "they are pulling a little kid out of the pool."

We all rushed over to the window and watched three men pull a totally lifeless 4 year old boy out of the pool and lay him on the side.  Then we watched a woman, who was just sitting in one of the lounge chairs calmly walk over to the little boy and kneel down next to him and confidently and without hesitation administer CPR for the next 10 minutes until he jerked his legs and rolled over and threw up into the pool.  Then she grabbed a towel and held him in an upright position while she massaged his chest.  There was so much love for him by her that at first we thought she was the mother, but she wasn't.  She was just a nurse, who happened to be in the right place at the right time and brought a child back to life.  She was a hero and everone at that pool knew it.  I was SO in awe of her....  her courage, her skills, her calmness.  What a gift she gave that family.

The little boy was fine.  He went to the hospital for observation, but then returned to the resort that night.

We were so emotionally charged, but there was no doubt in our minds that our Heavenly Father was there and placed people exactly where they needed to be when they needed to be there.  It was so stressful, but I was so glad that we got to witness a miracle.

The next day, we woke up SO early and went to the Park City Visitor's Ward.  Rals and my Dad really wanted to go and so we all went. 

Rals and Grant volunteered to bless the sacrament and Ryker volunteered to pass. 

I was beaming with pride.  They all did a perfect job.

The meeting is only 45 minutes long and is always a testimony meeting no matter which week you attend.  People from all over bore their testimonies and it was such a good meeting.

We ate breakfast at The Roadside Grill.

KK got her very most favorite meal...  Avocado Toast.

She has NEVER met an avocado that she did not love.

We were lazy the rest of the day.

I talked to Allie on the phone for a couple of hours and cried a lot.

Then I talked to Kate and cried some more.

I was completely emotional for some reason.

The slightest thing made me cry.

I think the little drowning boy was still on my mind.

That hit me hard and made me appreciate my little kids.

For the rest of the night, I had swolen eyes and a headache.

So we rocked in the rocking chairs that night and enjoyed the cool weather.

We enjoyed our night with our campers.

They seemed to be doing really well and were excited about camp.

The next morning, we woke up early.

Rals and I walked up to the top of Main St. and back.

It was such a lovely, cool morning and we loved our walk with the exception of being completely out of breath from being totally out of shape and also the altitude wasn't helping.

We woke the girls up and I braided their hair and we gathered up last minute camp items and we took them to Burger King for a french toast stick breakfast on the way up the mountain.

We had a lovely ride up.  We were laughing and I was telling them stories from my camp days as a young girl.  KK would every so often say "I'm nervous"  or  "I am feeling a little sad."  One time she said "Peyton, will you hold my hand."  I could feel her emotions as if they were my own.

We arrived at camp.  There were so many cars and busses and vans and SO many girls.  Spazzy, giggly girls everywhere.  We found our ward and got the trailer where it needed to be and we started unloading.

Raleigh worked so hard and once again caught the attention of all of the leadership.  Several members of the Stake Presidency stopped him numerous times saying things like...  Brother Lund, Young Men's camp and NOW Girls Camp.  We can always count on you to be everywhere.  

I, on the other hand, immediately reverted back to my 13 year old self the VERY second I stepped out of the truck.  I absolutely felt like I was a little girl being dropped off at camp.  It was an unfortunate psychological set back for me and didn't do ANYONE any favors.  I felt ALL THE FEELS.  And I didn't like it one bit.  I fully and completely admit that I 100% contributed to the drama that ensued...  I also might be willing to admit that I CAUSED it!!!!

I guess I was still feeling the emotions of Saturday night and all day Sunday.  Because I instantly felt tears in my eyes and my heart felt like it was going to break.  I know how I would have been feeling if I was 13 and I forecasted my feelings onto my daughters.  I have heard that this kind of emotional regression happens when trauma enters into the picture... The only retrospective explanation that I can come up with is that I instantly began reliving some past trama from my early teenage years that Girls Camp trudged up and I desperately wanted to protect my daughters from feeling that horrible range of emotion.

I watched my little girl, unloading her bags that were bigger than her and twice her weight.  She wasn't smiling.  She was just looking at the chaos and the energy that was way too much for her little tiny personality and it was all completely overwhelming her.  I know her SO well.  I could tell exactly how she was feeling just by looking at her face.  She doesn't do well in chaotic situations.  

The very last thing on this entire planet I wanted to do was leave her here.

I hadn't felt my heart wrenching like that in a very long time.  I thought it was going to fall out of my chest. 

LUCKILY....  I was wearing my sunglasses, because I was bawling behind them.  And I had to keep going behind the trailer to wipe the tears away.  

Once we were unloaded, we made our way up to the Mess Hall, where the bulk of the girls were.

There we found the Stake Young Women's Presidency standing in a line.

They were putting colored wristbands on the girls.

I noticed instantly that my girls didn't have the same color wristband...

NOT GOOD!!!

AND then, as if I wasn't already wrecked enough, one of the leaders casually mentioned to a group of us women and also unfortunately in front of a few of the girls, my girls being two of them....

"Hahahahahahaaaaaa... wait until these girls find out that there is only one girl from each ward in a cabin, and they won't be with their friends.....that will calm them all down really fast"  

like it was was a big joke.   

They had made plans to TOTALLY mess them all up, challenging their coping skills to step out of their comfort zones in the most intrusive way possible and it was going to be so funny and interesting for them to watch.

I lost it

NO YOU ARE NOT GOING TO DO THAT TO THESE GIRLS.....

They are five hours away from home, some of them for the first time in their lives and you are telling me that they are not going to be with or have the emotional support of one single person that they know.

YOU. HAVE. GOT. TO. BE. KIDDING. ME!!!

I wanted to reach across the little circle of women and wrap my hands around her throat.

I have never wanted to slap a woman so hard in my entire life. 

I wrapped my arm through our ward camp director's arm and pulled her out of the circle and off to the side. 

And she said...  "I know Kaci.  I did NOT vote for this.  I am not onboard with this plan.  It makes me so mad.  The thing that makes me the most upset is moms have been arranging for their daughters to be moved to certain cabins, so they can be with their friends for over three weeks now. When this news of this brilliant plan started leaking out, the moms who are friends with the leadership started finagling and stagetically placing THEIR daughters with their friends and the stake leaders were accomodating requests up until yesterday, but as of Sunday night, the cabins were established.  They are set now.  

I am so sorry, I didn't know they were doing this or I would have tipped you off.  Almost all of the girls in OUR ward are in cabins where they don't know anyone.  I am a wreck."

I couldn't even speak.  It was one thing to leave my girls in the Seventh Circle of Hell Camp when I thought they were going to 

1. Be with each other or 

2. Be with their friends.

I scanned the croud, trying to find KK, but she had found her friends and they were in the mess hall singing camp songs with hundreds of girls.  For now, she was okay, so I left her in there until I figured out what I was going to do. 

Then I saw Peyton.

She was crouched down, sitting in the fetal position by the back wheel of Raleigh's truck.  

I bee lined over to her and when I got to her, I realized she was sobbing.

Sobbing so hard, she was already hyperventilating.  She could hardly breathe.

I scooped her up in my arms and she said "mom, please don't leave me here."

Oh, sister.... you bet your life I won't.

But, not far behind me was Raleigh.

In in his unemotional man tone, he said

What in the world is wrong with her?

I said  "DON'T YOU DARE GET MAD AT HER....she doesn't want to stay here.  And I am not going to let her."

He was instantly SO mad.  AT ME.  And that was fine with me.  Be mad at me all you want to.  

But she is allowed to express herself.

We do not have the right to stifle emotions.

We can guide them for sure, but they get to express themselves.

He told us to get in the truck and he began to sternly speak. 

This is so embarrassing, Peyton.  

You are too old to be crying this much over something so dumb.

Pull yourself together. 

Calm down right now.

None of the other girls are crying.

Now I wanted to punch HIM.

This only made her more hysterical.

Why do men think telling a girl to calm down, will ever make her calm down?

Cause it doesn't.

He is usually so sweet with these girls, but today, he was mad.

I said... I am sorry, but this is horseshit.

Do you even realize what is going on here?

You don't do this to little girls.

They need to be with thier friends in hightened emotional situations.

You don't isolate them when they are 11 and 12 years old.

Do you realize that your daughters are going to be in cabins with 13 other people that they don't know?

In an effort to teach the that they can do hard things and overcome their fears?  

These are the kids who in third, fourth and fifth grade were told every single day for 18 months that if they didn't wear this thin cloth mask, they would get an illness that would KILL them.  

Their FEARS have been challenged in ways you and I have and were NEVER challenged.  

They have anxiety levels that go through the roof when their comfort zones get rocked.

A church Girl's Camp is NOT the place to threaten their safety.  

I am so pissed, I can't even think clearly.

But, I know for sure, we don't need you making things worse here.

Thankfully he finally agreed with me.

I just don't think he realized what was really going on until I explained it to him.

Once he understood, he was more compassionate and sweet with her, 

but he really wanted her to stay and try. 

She sobbed and hyperventilated in the backseat for an hour.

She could not get a grip.

So finally, he gave in.

Okay, what are we going to do?

Peyton said "GO HOME!!"

He said okay and started the truck.

I said.... "wait! I'm not leaving KK."

So he said "alright go get her."

I got out and headed back to the mess hall.

But they weren't there anymore.

They were down at the Amphatheather.... getting the super good news that the cabins had been prearranged and the wards were scrambled.  And they were going to make all new friends.  They were calling the girls down one by one and saying "okay, here is your cabin, go with your leader that you don't know and with your bunkmates that you also don't know and make up your beds... until lunchtime and then the horrified girls would walk up a steep hill in single file lines... fighting back tears.  Their faces were so sad.  And they searched through the piles of duffle bags and sleeping bags until they found theirs and they tried lifting them on their own, without the help of their friends and tried to carry them up the hills by themselves.  They were all suddenly realizing that they were literally on their own. 

Then I heard them say Kaleigh Lund.

And I watched my tiny, fragile daughter walk down from the log she was sitting, surrounded by all of her friends, to join her new group of strangers, who she would need to bunk with for the next 5 days.  She looked SO small.  And she was off to the side, trying to be brave.  She thought we were gone.  She thought we had left her, so she walked up the hill in line all alone and I watched her trying to find her bags.  

She was too far away from me to call out to her, so I called her on her phone.

When she answered she said "Mama, did you leave me?"  And she started crying.

I said, "no come get in the truck."

When she got in, I said we are taking Peyton home, do you want to come."

To my complete dismay, she said "I kinda want to try and stay, I don't think I can leave Brooke here alone.... Even though we are not in the same cabin, at least I will be here to help her if she needs me.  I would just need help with my bags, Dad.  They are so heavy....I think I want to stay, but then again not so much if Peyton isn't going to be here....

I decided to call Dori.  She was our camp director.  I needed to tell her that Peyton and possibly KK were tapping out.  She was in a leadership meeting when I called her.  But she said DON'T LEAVE.  I am coming to you.  She came running and jumped the back seat of our truck with the girls.  She told them that she completely understood their fears, but she would break every single rule that she had to to make sure they felt happy and safe.  She pulled up the cabin configuation lists and told Peyton that SHE was her cabin leader, so she made a promise to Peyton that she would take really good care of her and watch over her every minute. Then we looked at where KK was placed.  She said.... oh I know we can fix this.  She made a quick call to someone in the stake presidency and said "I am moving Kaleigh Lund to cabin 14.  She needs to be with her friend, Brooke and I am just putting her there, so you make whatever changes you need to on your end, but that is where she will be.  

Then we drove up to where their cabins were.  Peyton in Cabin 15 and KK in cabin 14.  Perfect.

We unloaded them, helped them set up their beds, hugged them and left them.

And I sobbed the entire way down the mountain.

Peyton didn't do well the entire first day.  

I received about 25 texts from her pleading with me to please come get her.

Girls Camp is NOT a law.  You don't HAVE to attend.   I don't HAVE to go through this, Mom.

And honestly, I couldn't have agreed with her more.

I had massive guilt and shame that my bad attitude was NOT helping this situation at all.

I really didn't care.  I was experiencing horrible emotions and I wanted to be able to express them.

I expressed them to my husband, who was honestly not very happy with my emotion overload that caused me to cry THE ENTIRE day on Monday, and caused me to ruin a whole day of our vacation.

I look back on this with regret.

I ended up going to bed at 8:00, to stop the pain.

We got a text from Dori in the morning that said, Peyton didn't do very well during the night.

She feels sick and doesn't want to do any of the planned activities.  Is it okay with you if I tough love her a little bit?  We agreed.  So she forced her to go on the hike with the group.

While on the hike, Peyton sent me a strongly worded text to PLEASE come get her.  

RALEIGH responded.

He said, this is too hard on Mom.  So now you are going to have to talk to me.

I KNOW you can do this, if you will just try.

IF I get a text from Dori telling me to come get you, I will come get you.

But, NOT until I hear from her.

We didn't know this.... but Peyton fell apart.

She sat down and sobbed on the hike.

One of the youth leaders sat with her and asked her if she thought a blessing would help her.

Peyton said that she thought it would.

So the YCL arranged for Brother Neilsen in our ward to give her a blessing. 

He agreed.

He asked Peyton what her what her name was.

Who are your parents?  He said

Raleigh and Kaci.

Oh, Okay....  I know who you are.

He knew us, but he did not know her.  He didn't know what her problem was.  He didn't know her history.  He knew nothing about her personally....  but (according to HIM) that didn't matter...  

All he did was open his mouth and words that weren't his came out.

And whatever the words were, spoke directly to Peyton.  

And immediately upon the completion of that blessing, she was instantly changed. 

Her fears left her body.  Her anxiety instantly vanished.  She was no longer sad, she was no longer scared.

She stood up and went out and enjoyed and LOVED and thrived at camp from that very second until the very last.  She had the BEST time.  She was confident, positive, happy, healthy, poised and strong.

She touched the lives of Dori, Brother Neilsen, leaders that were watching her from a far, youth leaders, other girls and ME!!

She completely changed.  She grew and changed.  But more importantly, she allowed herself to feel the spirit and let it touch her.  She allowed herself to hear the words spoken directly to her from her Heavenly Father.  And she allowed them to comfort her and calm her and change her.

WOW!!  What an inspiration

When we picked them up, they were not the same girls that we left.

KK did not have as dramatic experience as Peyton did, but instead, she struggled silently as she so often does.

We didn't hear from her during the week, as she tried to battle through her emotions quietly and intospectively.  I am SO glad I didn't know this during the week.  

I didn't realize she was in a battle until we went to pick them up and she latched onto me and hugged me for 15 minutes while she sobbed and let it all out.  

I tried to pull away several times, but she wouldn't let me go. 

She needed to release everything.  

It was such a sweet moment for me.

Hugs are SO therapudic.

I love her so much!!

A fun fact about Heber Valley Camp.

President Hinckley was inspired to create a camp for girls.

He had big ideas.... but Sister Hinckley said...

Whatever your ideas are, MY girls WILL have cabins with

electricity, running HOT water and an ice machine.

And so it was!

Meanwhile... during our week, while they were at camp....

We shopped and ate A LOT!!

 

We had lunch a Mimi's Cafe with Brayden and Crysti

It was so much fun and I literally loved every single second of it.

We had such a great talk.  We shared stories and they asked for advice.

The best part of the lunch was just seeing how happy they are.

There is NOTHING better for a mom to hear, than that her kids are happy

and doing well.  I am so proud of him for staying in this for the long haul and

pushing through some really hard years.  I am proud that he has learned some 

lessons along the way and that he has grown tremendously.

Tuesday night, I went to dinner with Kate and her mom.

Kate asked me to be an advocate for her while she had a hard conversation.

I was SO honored.

I had a great time with them.

I thought the conversation was valuable and will produce positive results.

Kami and Brent came on Wednesday.  We met them for a VERY expensive dinner on Main St in 

Park City.  The food was so below average, the service was way below average and it was so expensive. Monumental disappointment.

But the conversation was 100%

I really love being with them.  It is therapudic for me to talk to Kami.  She really gets me and tells me like it is.  She also teaches me to have confidence in myself.

Thursday, the boys went golfing and the girls went shopping.  

Allie and Kate joined us.  When everyone got back together, we all went to dinner at Baja Cantina.  Brayden came back up

Our two sons...  First Born and Last Born

Friday, I could hardly contain myself as we got to go pick the girls up.

They came back to the condo and showered.

We curled them all up and took them school clothes shopping.

Peyton was ON FIRE!!

She bought so many things.  She tried stuff on and was open to suggestions.  It was thrilling for me.

The ability to weep, I have learned, is a spiritual gift.  

I have it.

BIG TIME!!!

Park City 2023 was a complete success.  

It ran the gamut as far as emotions goes.

I felt them all, but I think that was really good for me.

I felt very cleansed when the week was over.

M O V I N G  O N

The young women were able to go to the Brigham Young House this month.

It's here in St. George.  I have never been inside and I was excited to go.

Brigham asked the Quorem of the 12 to shave their faces for these photos.

The first and only time they did so.  

This was an impressive group of men

I had to have a barrium swallow esophogram on the 7th.  

It was pretty unpleasant.  

Swallowing radioactive dye is NOT my favorite thing to do.

The good news is, I do not have esophogial cancer like I had convinced myself I had...

based on the fact that I have an obvious obstruction in my chest when I swallow.

Still waiting on results, but I am assured I don't have anything serious...

even though I am fairly certain I am not right inside.

The big kids attended an undisclosed event.

They looked so nice all dressed up

Ryker's Jordans arrived just in time for school to begin.

He said they were so clean on the bottom, he could lick them.

So he did.

The kids went to Back to School.

Rals took Peyton to the Middle School

and didn't take a picture.

 I took KK and Walt....... and I, remembered

My gorgeous daughter turned 14 in August

Her friends threw her a surprise birthday party a couple of days before and showered her with fun, well thought out gifts.

She wanted to spend her actual Saturday birthday in Pine Valley.

Rals wowed us with his hibachi skills

We sat in chairs and enjoyed the cool weather.

There was cloud cover and occasional thunder.

The food was delicioso!!

It could not have been more perfect

Peyton and Walt threw the hatchet and carved a log

We had a birthday cake

(she hates showing her braces right now.  I hope she gets over this soon)

We finished up our excursion by stopping to put flowers on the graves of some of our friends who are buried in the little Pine Valley Cemetery

The day after Peyton's birthday, she was asked to speak in Sacrament Meeting about her camp experience.

Grown men in the congregation cried.

Several people came up to her and told her that she was an inspiration to them and thanked her for sharing her story.

She said...  What happened?  I am so popular.

Haha...  so cute!!

This super amazing, darling girl woke up on time to curl her hair and 

put on her makeup etc... but she paused to say her morning prayers and fell asleep mid-supplication.

When we realized she wasn't coming downstairs when she should be.... 

 when we went up to her room, she was fast asleep in praying mode and was completely

startled and then instantly became upset.

I quickly curled her hair and the whole time, she was so sad because

she knew she was not going to look her best... but I kept telling her that she would be blessed 

because she was doing the right thing...

And she was, she looked beautiful and had an amazing day.

When they got home, they sat on the stairs and gave us the recap of their day.

Everyone had a great first day.  They love their teachers and they have friends in every class.  

For Peyton's Birthday, she asked us to re-do her room.

I guess she had outgrown her bunkbeds.

She was pretty wide open to decor suggestions....  

Just as long as it was more teenagery looking...

She wanted a painted wall for sure 

This simple wall....  the simplest of all of all of our faux wall creations,

took us all day on Saturday.  It was excruciating for some reason.  

We really struggled

It turned out pretty great if we do say so ourseles...

I LOVE that it changed really quickly from "I want a black and white room..."

To "I don't even know what boho is... but I'll trust you, Mom"

I think it is absolutely darling!!

It has a great vibe...

Very teenagery!

We took the bunk beds to the dump and I felt sad about it.

In the month of August... A Hurricane festered up in the Pacific ocean.

And it eventually made landfall as a Tropical Storm.

And we reaped the benefits of that storm for several days.

A very talented photographer took this photo... I would love to give credit where credit is due...

But I cannot unfortunately.

Nevertheless, it is gorgeous

Oh boy!!   August was an amazing month.  I have never felt SO blessed and loved and watched over.

I LOVE that my Heavenly Father loves my children and is watching over them and blessing their lives just like He promised He would.  

My testimony grew so much this month and I have never felt more connected.

August brings in football and the hint of cooler weather.  

There is hope on the horizon that the brutal summer temperatures are almost over and Autumn is here.

Even though this was an easy summer, I am glad it's in the books.

Thank you, August....  You were good to us!!