Beware of Mother Bear!!

It's so hard to be a mom.  I'm not talking about the mundane part of it either.  Like the making sure they eat well balanced meals and take baths and get enough sleep.  I gave up that battle a long time ago.  I'm talking about the hard parts.  When their hearts are shattered because of the cruel actions and words of someone else and you are the one they run to and you have to say all the right things and mend it and fix it, so that this life event doesn't define them or change them.

I am a super non-confrontational person.  I have been all my life.  I allow people to trample all over me.  One of my friends from high school used to call me a "doormat" all the time and he's probably reading this and laughing his head off.   (Nope, I haven't changed, still the same).

But, when someone messes with one of my kids... something happens to me.  I have gone completely berserk before and it happened again on Thursday. 

Allie was in the school play this year.  She somehow managed to get a small part.  I don't know how, she isn't either one of the director's daughters, she isn't her son, she isn't her niece.  Those kids got the four main characters.  But she was a part of the cast.  She went to practices.  Sometimes she'd have to ride her bike to and from the practices because we were all not available to drive her.  And she performed in 6 out of 7 performances.  She missed the 7th because she was on a plane to Arizona because Grandpa Roger died.

 Well this past Wednesday, she brought home a permission slip for me to sign so that she could go on a field trip to the Middle School to see their play with the entire cast.  She was excited because she loves Annie first of all and she was excited to see how much better their play was going to be.  Plus, she loves field trips.

Thursday morning, the day of the field trip,  I get a call from her.  She was sobbing and I could hardly understand her.  But, I could hear her saying things like... "I missed a performance, Mrs. A said I couldn't go with them and that I had to go back to class and the bus just drove away without me.  Mom, please come get me, I am so sad"

I said... "what? where are you right now?"  I couldn't believe what I was hearing.  She said, "I'm in the office."  I told her to stand out in front of the school and I'd be right there.  I was a stark raving
 lunatic. I was wearing Raleigh's basketball shorts and a really tight tee shirt with no bra and my hair was in a pony tail up on the top of my head.  My mascara was smeared all underneath my eyes like it is every morning.  I hadn't brushed my teeth.  I had socks on, but no shoes. I start driving to the school to get her.  And I am getting more and more mad with the passing of blocks.  I am mumbling all kinds of nonsense to myself.  I barely stop at the stop sign, I violently turned on my blinker and I almost broke the thing clean off the steering wheel, I made two illegal lane changes and by the time I got to the school I had breathed myself into hyperventilation.  I am supposed to go into the office and check her out by signing their stupid little book, but NOT TODAY.  I screeched up to the curb where she was standing and she got in and I broke her out of that school. 

I was yelling, not at her, although she thought I was, I was just trying to get every last detail. Who said what?  Who did what? Who else did they leave on the sidewalk?  Poor girl, she was becoming agitated and couldn't recall all the events and I was shaking.

I came into the house and started pacing with my hands on my hips and my head down.  I had to calm down, I had to lose my mind in an effective way.  If I was going to come unglued on this woman I was going to have to be clear headed and smart.  My first thought was to call the principal, but I was too upset and I would have sounded crazy and most likely would have said stupid things that I would regret so I did the next best thing and I penned the most beautifully written, articulate email to this Mrs. A wherein, I THRASHED her.  I said "if you can look me in the eye and tell me that you would have stayed home from the funeral of an important member of your family so that your daughter could be in the final performance of an elementary school play, then I will humbly apologize for writing this email.  But, since I know what your answer is already, I will continue.  You are an educator of little children and with that comes great responsibility.  And I don't want to devalue early childhood education by saying it isn't important, but I feel that teaching respect and showing children how to be respectful and building self esteem and self worth are far more important on the elementary school level than learning how to be fast at times tables or have perfect cursive.  And while I am very supportive of your arts programs and that you are talented enough to teach them, I am disgusted with your behavior today.  You stripped my daughter of her pride in being a part of that play.  You robbed her of her right to a reward for hard work.  And your demeaned her in front of the entire cast and alienated her to prove an unprovable point.  You take situations on a case by case basis.  Do you think this little 9 year old calls the shots in our family?  WE, the adults make the decisions just as you do in your family.  We don't live in a democratic family.  It is very much a dictatorship.  And Allison is 6 of 9, making her WAY down the list when it comes to decision making.  She goes where we tell her to go and when and WE, the parents made this decision.  Who do you think you are telling her that because she missed a performance, completely out of her control, she can't go on the field trip?  Who do you think you are leaving her on the curb, watching the bus drive away with every other member of the cast aboard?  You are a pathetic excuse for a role model, you are a horrible person, you ought to be ashamed of yourself and you owe my daughter a HUGE apology.    I will thank you for making it so that I had to pick up the pieces of a shattered heart today."  And trust me, I went on and on.

And I CCed the principal. And waited for a response.

Well,  I got one.  The principal called me... looking for Allison.  It seems she was missing from class, they couldn't find her.  They'd been calling her over the PA and she was no where to be found.  Her teacher was beside himself with worry, they had checked every nook and cranny of the entire school.  "Do you know where she is?"  she asked me in a very shaky and nervous voice.

"Yep, I sure do."  I said  "She's right here with me.  She should have been on the bus going to the field trip with the rest of the cast of the play, but your Mrs. A left her on the sidewalk, making a fool of her and punishing and humiliating her in front of 90 children because she is a tyrant and a bully and so I came and picked her up and brought her home."

Needless to say, we had a very lengthy conversation where she expressed way too much frustration to me about this teacher and she told me mine was not the first and probably not the last complaint starting with the fact that she cast her entire family in lead roles and had conduct unbecoming all throughout.  And she was so sorry that I had gone through this and she offered our entire family tickets to the Middle School play, but I declined because I HATE PLAYS!!!

Well here it is... Saturday. And all is well at the Lund house... today.  Allie has moved on.  I am still in good standing at the school and a huge lesson has been learned.

The lesson: It's freakin' hard to be a Mom!!!  And don't allow your children to be a part of any of Mrs. A's activities.