P.S. Don't give up on love...

There is a movie out there.  It's a weird movie that I saw in the early 90s, I think.  And the main character had some sort of power where he lived in the future before he lived in the present.  While he was in the future he'd leave himself notes that said things like...  "Jack is a bad guy, don't trust him."  And then when he would live in real time, he'd see the note and he'd steer clear of Jack.

In my younger years, I was very organized.  Anally so.  But, somewhere over time, I lost it.  I became too overwhelmed to be organized.  It took too long or I didn't have time to think of ways or methods I could take to make my life easier.  I longed for it.  But alas.......

When I started training for my new job, I only had two weeks to learn all that I needed to learn to effectively do my job.  To say the least, I was terrified.  I brainstormed and prayed a little for a way to retain all of the information.   I actually said the words... "please help me to remember how to be organized again."   I suddenly got the idea to write on 3X5 cards.  Each one with it's own title that I filed alphabetically in a file box.  It has been VERY effective to say the least.  But, a weird phenomenon has taken place.  I feel a little like the man in the movie.

Here's what will happen:  On my desk top calendar, I have written on the 15th of August.  Refer to "Mid Month" card in file box.  I will pull the mid month card and it will say... "Mary Beth is going to email you today, when she does, you need to send the staffing report to Kari, refer to the Staffing Report card for instructions on how to run this report."  Sure enough Mary Beth's email will pop into my inbox.  And then, nearly flawlessly, I am able to send the staffing report to Kari.   The other day, I couldn't for the life of me, remember how to do a step progression.  I pulled my card titled "Step Progressions"  and the card said "you don't know how to do these because Carli does these."

And it got me thinking... how spectacular it would be if we'd been allowed to write ourselves notes that would guide us and help us be our best selves.  Little note cards that gave us loving words of guidance from ourselves in a wiser time.  Messages that said things like "don't marry him, in fact don't even date him."  or "don't take that job, the boss is a pervert and he is going to make your life miserable for the next 8 months."  or "there's a boy out there who is going to change your life, he will find you.  PS don't give up on love"

Just one morning you'd wake up and there it would be... a florescent green index card on your nightstand written in your own heavenly writing with beautiful advice on how to succeed.

I get the whole free agency thing.  I get the wisdom behind it.  But, for crying out loud, throw a girl a bone.  Sometimes I don't feel like I have time or enough energy to exercise agency.  I just want me to tell me what to do.  So I can't fail.

I know that if I would have been allowed to write to myself, I would have guided myself to my wonderful Raleigh.  I would have lovingly encouraged myself to keep having babies until my Sweet Ryker came to me.  I may have tried to put more money in my path or I probably would have forced myself to take better care of myself physically, mentally, emotionally......

Sigh....  sadly it isn't meant to be.  We are meant to fumble through, relying on prayer and faith and hoping we make the right decisions.  However, I will let you know that when I am the queen of my own world... we're all getting file boxes!!!!