December 2021

 Happy Holidays One and All...

This was such a great month.  I literally loved every minute of it.  Christmas traditionally has been a major source of stress for me, for like the past 30 years.  Last year was nearly stress free, this year though, we nailed it.  It was like I complied all of my past experiences and came up with ways not to repeat the stress or took steps to avoid it or something.  In short, I got myself together for the first year in three decades.  

Which allowed me to be able to enjoy myself and feel all the love.

We had crazy, huge events going on.  TWO of our children moved this month.  Quincey moved into a darling little studio apartment.  I had fun helping her decorate it.  She is so independent.  She doesn't like to ask for help.  She hired movers, so that  Raleigh didn't have to lift her heavy furniture.  I thought that was so considerate of her.  I had tremendous guilt as this unselfish act cost her $150.00. 

Brayden and Crysti worked hard to find St. George jobs and an apartment so they could venture here from Kansas.  Quincey volunteered to spend Christmas in Witchta and help them pack up and move.  Another completely unselfish act of kindness.  I worked on things the best I could here.  I would go over to the apartment complex every day to turn in paperwork and solidify their apartment application.  I was a wreck to say the least, while they were going through the approval process.  It took way longer than it needed to and they were masters of suspense and left us hanging until the very last minute.

Big Kids=Big Problems

Brayden got a call from the office manager on the 23rd letting him know that the apartment that he was supposed to move into on the 26th, was infested with roaches and would not be ready for them to move in.  She would have another apartment for them to move in to sometime after the New Year. 

Um.....

WHAT????

The HELL you say.

This means that now they have to live with me for an undisclosed number of days.  Which in and of itself would not be a problem, but with them comes TWO dogs.  We purposely have chosen NOT to be pet owners for a variety of reasons.  

More of this story later on.  

It's quite unbelievable.

I was so happy that I was able to see Clark Griswold at Old Navy.

It made my season complete

I elimated a huge stressful habit from my past and wrapped gifts as we purchased them rather than waiting until 7:30pm on Christmas Eve to wrap everything.  Wrapping gifts early allows a person to wrap the gifts nicely and with love.  I thought they looked so beautiful under our tree.  

Raleigh loved his Carvana experience last year so much, he felt like trying it again this year.

We paid off his truck earlier in the year and enjoyed several months without a payment.   But, he negotiated the deal of the century and traded his old truck for a virtually new one.

It smells new

It looks new.

It's gorgeous.  The bells and whistles are overwhelming.  I don't know where people think of these features but this truck has all of them.

One of them being.... when you are sitting at a light, idoling....  the engine shuts off.  Then when you take your foot off the break it automatically starts again.....  

IT. DRIVES.ME.NUTS

I hate it so much, it causes me nearly uncontrollable anger every time it happens.

You can turn the feature off, but you have to do that manually every time you turn your car on with a little button on the dash board and most of the time Raleigh forgets to do it and so then when we are at a light and the car turns off, I go into an instant internal rage.

And sometimes I can't control or contain it, so I have to take a ridiculously violent breath in and out and beat on the sides of my head with my fists.  

I think it is the STUPIDEST feature anyone ever thought of and I DO NOT see the value or the benefit, other than wrecking your car every two years, forcing you to have to buy a new one.  Which if you think of it, is brilliant of the GMC people.  

Raleigh thinks they must have done research on this and decided that it was good for cars to turn off and on 55 times on your way to walmart.  But I wholeheartedly disagree.  

We DO NOT have to be victims to this conspiracy.  We can use our common sense to make sensible choices protecting the longevity of our vehicle.  

UGHHHHHH....  so SO annoying.

Nevertheless, it's a gorgeous truck and will fully protect our family

Ryker LOVES activity days.

We call it Young Mens, so he feels big.

There are SO many kids in our ward.  These are just the 9-10 year old boys in our ward and this isn't even all of them.  It is mind blowing.

They made little graham cracker houses and they turned out so cute.

We should have done that instead of trying to do Gingerbread Houses again this year.

They nevvvvver turn out and they make us so frustrated.  I don't know why every year, we think this year will be different.  "This year, we will be able to figure it out", we think.  "This year, we will be able to make an actual house out of gingerbread with the so called frosting they provide."  But that is never the case.

Papa's Truck completely fell apart even though he followed the instructions perfectly.

He had a good attitude about it and laughed and then opted to eat brownies and peppermint ice cream instead

Peyton had big goals.  She was certain she could duplicate this darling little cottage perfectly.

Almost....

Raleigh on the other hand, lives some sort of charmed life.  While the rest of us were fighting back frustrated tears and trying not to say cuss words, Raleigh managed to put together the most perfectly perfect gingerbread football stadium complete with fans and straight yard lines.

To say that there was severe animosity would be an understatement.

We truly did try

The week leading up to Christmas Eve at work was one of my best ever...

I had my year end review.  I got a list of questions that I might be asked, ahead of time.  I carefully wrote deep and well thought out responses and I practiced them outloud and with boldness and confidence.  I had a few things to get off my chest.  And I prayed on my way to my meeting that I would be able to say what I needed to say, in such a way, that I could feel validated and heard and also NOT GET MYSELF FIRED....However, the first line out of my boss's mouth went something like...  I don't have a clue the many, many things you do every day, but I know that you do a very valuable work that is not only thankless, but no doubt completely overwhelming and you do it with such grace and poise, I am going to offer you a substancial raise and a promotion as well as ask you to take a step back and not worry so much over your job, in fact, I would prefer if you hired one or two new full timers to do the bulk of your physical work and allow you to rule and reign over your departments from a birds eye view rather than on the front lines, like you've been doing, so you can ease your stress and enjoy yourself a little more.  

Uh.....Um...

Okay......wow...

Thank you....Um... 

Was all I could come up with to say

 I was deeply regretting having to go to several employee parties, but they ended up being really fun and I'll admit, I had a great time.  I enjoyed seeing my year end bonus in my checking account.

That lifted my spirits considerably.  I tucked money away for next Christmas.

I received Gift Cards from several home owners, that to be honest, I worked hard for and quite frankly deserved.  I got caught up on several tasks that I loved accomplishing. It was delightful

Christmas Eve was a super fun day.

We cleaned the house and did some laundry.

We took naps and played games.

Then we met the family at Outback for dinner

Papa and Nana took the kids to see the Christmas Lights while Mr and Mrs Claus retrieved gifts from hidden places

When we all got back together, we opened pajamas

And did a little gambling

The Ellsworths won big time

In the morning, the kids let us sleep in a little bit

before we opened so many presents

And ate crepes

And we watched dad build a desk

And KK spent the rest of the day coloring and wrting in her journal and reading.

She will love this desk.

It is so her.

We went over to Papa and Nana's to open gifts from them

Later in the evening the family came over for the most delicious dinner.

I have never had a better ham.

The bow tie pasta was devine.

I loved every single bite.

We sat around talking for a a little bit

but I have to admit....  my head wasn't in the game this day.

All I could think about was what was going on in Kansas.

I would periodically get a text from Quincey updating me on the horrific nightmare packing up someone else's home is and how hard it was for her not to be in charge of the plan.  She is my most organized and by far the most OCD challenged of my children.  5 of 7 of my kids have severe OCD....  Quincey is the worst.  In stark contrast, Brayden is her polar opposite.  She was so frustrated the whole time she was there.  She yelled at everyone several times.  Trying desperately to take control of a situation that was so very clearly out of control.  Trying to control a situation for people who did not really want her help.

I knew she would have a meltdown at some point.  And I was just waiting for it.  However, when it happened my heart broke for her.

But NO WHERE NEAR as bad as when I received a call from her at 7:30pm from 

OKLAHOMA

from some general store.

Where she had just had a rather scary conversation with a semi truck driver...

And I learned that she was in the literal middle of nowhere,

with a dog that wasn't hers

driving a car that wasn't hers

BY. HERSELF.

By herself, in Oklahoma.

Talking to truckers.

She was not sure which direction she was actually going.  

Driving through po-dunk towns with back woods residents who didn't care about her whatsoever.

Driving across the country, in the total darkness....by herself.

Because her brother got mad at her and told her to just leave.

I have never been so anxious, upset, freaked out or completely falling apart as I was at that.  

I started hyperventalating.

And I could not take my eyes off of the app tracking her progress for the rest of the night.  

Raleigh and I sat up in our bed monitoring her progress.  We tried our best to her plan stops where she would be the most safe.

I watched the little dot on my tracking app move across Oklahoma, then into Texas, then into New Mexico.

I watched that dot move ever so slowly for the next 6 hours.

I had her call me every hour on the dot, so that she would just focus on the hour and not the big horrifying picture.  One hour she would call me and be just fine.  The next hour she would be sobbing.  The next hour she'd be having an anxiety attack.  The next one she was back to fine.  One time, she couldn't feel her hands, her face was tingling and she was talking a hundred words a minute.  I was a WRECK...  there was NOTHING I could do but just talk her through.

I have never been so thankful for the call saying that she had arrived in Albequerque safely and was stopping for the night.

I said 5 prayers of gratitude.  

Meanwhile, no one knew where Brayden was.

No one knew if he had even left Kansas.

We didn't know if the truck was performing well.

We didn't know if the house got packed up in it's entirety.

He wouldn't respond to anyone's texts or calls.

And I really didn't have enough energy to worry about them.

I was too focused on my daughter who was driving across the country in the middle of the blasted night....  did I mention.... by herself.

I could not as a 50 year old woman do what she had just done.

She is half my age, half my weight.

I have only been that worried about one of my children that intensly one other time in my whole motherhood career.  It was absolutely horrible.

She called it a shit show.

That was putting it mildly.

My Christmas was DESTROYED!!

Her Christmas will most likely be the worst memory of her life.

Heartbreaking.

On the 26th, we watched the dot move through New Mexico, Arizona and finally into Utah.

But the experience was quite different because it was during the day and through states I knew better and instead of picturing her at a four way intersection at a blinking traffic light on a string in the middle of a two lane highway in between two cow fields in a state I have never been in and will never go to....  I could picture her in Flagstaff.  

I've been there.  I know they have a nice McDonalds there.  It felt so much better....  even though it really kind of wasn't.  

We went to church at Papa and Nana's ward.

It was really fun and it was a good distraction.

Late, late, late that Sunday night, Quincey finally walked in my front door.  I have never been happier to see a child than I was when I saw her at that moment.  I didn't even notice as I hugged her for a very long time,  that she was carrying a crate with a living, breathing bunny inside.  A bunny that in addition to a very large dog, she had driven through the south west.  She was essentially Dr. Doolittle on wheels with all of her brother's pets as her passengers.

Back to the story about the apartment that Brayden was supposed to move in to on this night, that was allegedly infested with cockroaches and was uninhabitable.  "So sorry, young man from Kansas",  said the office manager....  "young man with a wife and a 26 foot moving van completely packed with all sorts of hidden treasures, not to mention a very large dog and a smaller dog and little bunny foo-foo...  we won't have a place for you to move into until sometime in the first part of next year.  We surely hope you have a place to go for the next...oh um.... 13-17 days"

The U-Haul arrived...

Well.. luckily for them, we have a six bedroom house.

Unluckily for them the available bedroom that we have has ZERO furniture in it.  

Yes, we have a room and a bathroom for you to use, but you'll have to sleep on an air mattress, which is pretty much the same as sleeping on the floor.

So Bad.

I have no words to describe the nightmare I am sure they are going through up in the room with no furniture, two dogs, a rabbit and none of their things.

I HAVE NO GOOD WORDS

Other than Kansas could NOT have been worse than this.

It just couldn't have been.

And I am so sorry for my lousy accomidations and that I am literally no help to your problems whatsoever and I am mostly sorry that I have an overwhelming fear/dislike of dogs.... well animals in general and it makes me incredibly anxious that I have a little zoo in the upstairs bedroom of my house.  I kinda didn't sleep very well for the rest of the month.

Meanwhile at work, I had a project THRUST upon me that I not only hated that I had to do....  but was very nearly incapable of doing it.

It was beyond difficult.

Matt who is the only one authorized to operate the fork lift was the only one who helped me and I absolutely

COULD NOT have done it without him.

I could barely push the pallet jack, that I had to drag two blocks down the street, that almost killed me.

I cannot imagine if I had to pallet jack a 500 pound pallet that far...

I really would have died

My Best Buy Warehouse skills were put to the test and boy, let me tell you....  it was just like riding a bike...it all came rushing back to me and I was the master of pallet placement in that storage container, I cannot lie.

Meanwhile, in December, this darling son turned 10

He loves his birthday more than any human I know

BUT

It is 4 days after Christmas and sadly, we are pooped every year.

We don't celebrate it like we should and we let him down every year.

Papa and Nana came to the birthday rescue with another tiny yard sign.

Which was so darling.

My heart breaks for him as he loving adjusts to our failures

I love him with my whole heart

What a blessing he is to our family

During the third quarter of the PAC-12 championship, Raleigh bought tickets to the Rose Bowl.

He was the most excited person in the world to go to a football game, I've ever known.

I loved watching him plan his outfits based on the colors that the team chose and he selected a hotel and the location of the hotel was appropriatley within walking distance of a Nike Outlet.

He downloaded our Vax cards and IDs days in advance.

The Rose Bowl is a pretty great thing to get to go to

HOWEVER....

There were Four Hundred Thousand Million people there.

The official count was 87,000, but there is NO WAY it was only that many.

I am mind blown that I didn't launch into a full scale panic attack.

There were SO MANY things to panic about....

Like just traveling in general

Back to wearing a stupid masks

The bonkers, out of control lines just to get in

The packed in like sardines feeling that never left my claustrophobic mental state

All of that had to be overpowered by my need to enjoy this experience that I don't think I will get to experiece ever again.  It was awesome to be there with SO many Utes... so loyal and happy for their team

And even though they nearly killed our quarterback and rendored him unable to finish the game and we lost by a mere 3 points in the last 12 seconds of the game, it was such a fun day

Kami and Brent gave us a gift card to "The Boat" in Passadena.

The Boat has been a family favorite for years and we had to eat there.

It only took us an hour to get out of the parking lot but we arrived at the restaurant just in time

Well..... we did it.

Another year in the books.

This was such a good one too.

I loved 2021 and all of the surprises and fabulous revelations it brought to our family.

I say this every year, but this year in particular, I really mean it....

We are so much better than we were last year.

Isn't that the ultimate goal?

I am so happy with the progress that every single one of us made this year and the growth that we all experenced.

I will look back fondly at all of the blessings that poured over us like a loving blanket

I love my family so much.

My inadequate words cannot express my joy

I love my parents

my children

my home

my husband

my marriage

our life together

and the peace and joy we have being members of the church

Happy New Year